Cena is Poopy

I used to watch professional wrestling, specifically the WWE promotion but for a time it wasn't easily available to watch. It's only now that I got back into it and I must say, I'm surprised at how much it sucks.

Before I go on, I need to get something cleared up. I know it's fake, OK? Wrestling is fake. I KNOW. If I had a hundred pesos for every time someone has to point that out to me every time I raise the topic, I'd be driving a Porsche.

Knowing it's fake, why do I even watch it? Now that's a good question. Moving on...

I could go on about the obvious flaws like how the Tag-team division is underwhelming or how badly I miss the Cruiserweight title or how completely useless the "Diva" division is. I could write separate topics about them but I don't want to write about those issues yet. Right now, I'd like to write about the worst thing in the WWE right now. John Cena. I wish he'd die.

I don't hate the performer. John Cena (the person) seems like a nice guy and is quite loyal to the company. However, I fucking hate what the character of "John Cena" had become. Shit, I remember in the "Ruthless Aggression" era, Cena used to talk smack and stand up to the likes of Kurt Angle and even Chris Jericho. The crowd loved him for it. He was an underdog but he had the "heart of a champion". That's why his character was awesome and fans like to cheer for the underdog anyway. It helped that he had a ridiculous white rapper gimmick which was pretty funny in its own right especially when he was trying to challenge Brock Lesnar to rap battles or something. Man, when did all go wrong?

Oh wait, I remember now. The exact moment Cena began to suck was when he won the WWE championship from JBL in Wrestlemania. Cena was now in the big leagues as a major face and that was all well and good except his character stagnated from that point on. He was no longer an underdog and they got rid of his rapper gimmick. He became "the Champ" or something. Fine. Whatever. However, that doesn't justify the fact that John Cena still doesn't have any substantial development even today. That's my first point. Aw, shit, looks like I'll have to make a list to keep me from rambling.

1. His Character Sucks

Honest question: What's John Cena supposed to be? He's not a midcarder underdog to cheer for anymore nor is he a semi-funny white rapper. Is he a marine? Like a Sgt. Slaughter character? Nah, that was just a lame promotion for his stupid movie. So what's his gimmick? Every wrestler needs a gimmick, that's just a fact of life. Without a gimmick, why would we care to watch that wrestler anyway? Oh wait, I know what Cena is! A piece of shit that's what.

2. He Can't Wrestle

It's wrong to say he can't wrestle because I know the performer is capable. What I mean is, I can't see anything going on in a typical Cena match. What usually happens is, Cena gets beat down by an opponent who does three times as many complicated moves than he does. Cena then "heroicaly" gets back on his feet to do that lame shoulder tackle or something. He gets beat down again. Suddenly, Cena overcomes all odds and does his finisher which doesn't even look that impressive. Any Cena match is a good time to take a piss or do some other things like write in your blog.

3. He is Overexposed and Boring

Cena gets way too much hype. The most annoying part is that he's such a goody goody. The Cena we used to love was not exactly an asshole but he had a mean streak going on. Now he's just not interesting. Why is he even a good guy? I just can't stand him anymore seeing how much of a pussy his character had become. I mean, recently when Cena was "fired" from RAW, he was all emotional and teary eyed. Kiss my ass.

In summation, Cena needs a character overhaul and a new gimmick. The problem is, WWE probably won't. A lot of the "smart" crowd hate him for the reasons above. The jeers in the ECW One Night Stand was pretty brutal. It made me sorry for the performer having to work with such a lousy character. Problem is, Cena is really popular with the children and the child-like adults who are fans of him. WWE won't tear down this hero and make him a villain although I wish they would. Hey, it worked for Hogan.

"You can't Wrestle!"