Imba

I've been feeling anxious lately and I've been thinking a lot about where I am now. Ever since the new year, I've been telling myself to change and so far, it's not so good. I've written about finding a balance in all things and I thought I'd expound on that since I'm in that sort of mood.

Right now, let's say my life is 40% WoW, 30% study, 20% miscellaneous and 10% exercise. What are "miscellaneous" things you might ask? It's sleeping, eating, commuting and other unavoidable things. If I may be serious for a moment, this ratio I'm living with is not good. I know this.

Since WoW is overrepresented, let me use a WoW analogy. In WoW, Azeroth is composed of four elements. These are: earth, fire, wind and water. There's some bullshit about the "light" or some "shadow" element but I digress. The elements must maintain a balance of sorts. If the elements are all screwed up, the planet blows up just like Draenor (I think). Ever since Cataclysm, the elements of Azeroth are in turmoil and the world is in danger of breaking. What I'm getting at is that there has to be balance or else you explode into tiny pieces floating in space. If you don't play WoW then I apologize for that strained analogy.

I know I have to change. I know what's wrong in my life and what ought to be done. It's just that I lack self-discipline. I don't know. I could blame modern society's many distractions and the consumerist mentality of indulging appetites but as a believer of individual freedom comes the other side of the coin, individual responsibility. Really if I ever fuck up in life, which is one of my greatest fears, I'll have nobody to blame but that asshole in the mirror who wasted his time and exhausted his supply of endless tomorrows. This is a lot of whining but at least I admit I have a problem.

So what now? I don't know. All I know is I got to change for the better. I gotta take it slowly, one step at a time but a step is a step. You gotta set the ball rolling even for just a little bit, you know? I think 40% study, 20% WoW, 20% Exercise and 10% miscellaneous would be better. I could cut miscellaneous time by using time saving techniques like showering and brushing my teeth at the same time, eating lunch on a jeepney and taking quick action laxatives. I could spend the extra 10% on learning math or something.

If you'll allow me to nerd out for a minute, my favorite element is earth. In the heart of Azeroth lies Deepholm, the realm of the Stonemother and the Lords of the earth. The funny thing about the zone is, aside from the emergence of some minor dragon or whatever, the stone elementals have been waging a war for some time against the Trogg tenders, annoying little creatures who spread and cultivate fungi in the zone. The fungus preys on the slow moving giants and they respond to it in the best way they know how, by stomping the buggers and their little mushrooms. Everyday they would stomp out as much of the fungus as they can while the next day the fungus seems to grow back just as quickly. Both sides are persistent but the stone giants are winning although very slowly nut surely nontheless. It could take a thousand years for the stone lords be rid of the menace but so be it. They are patient. They know they will win eventually.

You see, the Troggs underestimate the stone giants. We tend to think of the earth as some little ball floating in the universe. The earth seems like an element least likely to change. We think that it is a steady, enduring, constant, immovable and stubborn element, slow and ponderous like the stone giants that watch over it. Big mistake. Tectonic plates grind and tear at each other on a daily basis. Look outside your window. That mountain didn't appear there overnight did it? Ever seen a volcano erupt? I haven't but I've felt an earthquake before and I pissed myself a little. The earth is a very violent element but likes to take its damn time. So it is with life. Things don't happen overnight, We have to look at the long haul. Slowly but surely we must begin to remove the fungus growing on our souls because of our sedentary lifestyles or something. A rolling stone gathers no moss? OK I'm no literary genius. Sue me.

TL;DR = Patience

Bad Feeling

I just took my Criminal Law exam today, It was all multiple choice but there is no easy choice as usual. The points are in such a way that it hurts to get even one answer wrong. I don't feel good about it. I think I might have made a lot of mistakes.

I've got a bad feeling.

Cena is Poopy

I used to watch professional wrestling, specifically the WWE promotion but for a time it wasn't easily available to watch. It's only now that I got back into it and I must say, I'm surprised at how much it sucks.

Before I go on, I need to get something cleared up. I know it's fake, OK? Wrestling is fake. I KNOW. If I had a hundred pesos for every time someone has to point that out to me every time I raise the topic, I'd be driving a Porsche.

Knowing it's fake, why do I even watch it? Now that's a good question. Moving on...

I could go on about the obvious flaws like how the Tag-team division is underwhelming or how badly I miss the Cruiserweight title or how completely useless the "Diva" division is. I could write separate topics about them but I don't want to write about those issues yet. Right now, I'd like to write about the worst thing in the WWE right now. John Cena. I wish he'd die.

I don't hate the performer. John Cena (the person) seems like a nice guy and is quite loyal to the company. However, I fucking hate what the character of "John Cena" had become. Shit, I remember in the "Ruthless Aggression" era, Cena used to talk smack and stand up to the likes of Kurt Angle and even Chris Jericho. The crowd loved him for it. He was an underdog but he had the "heart of a champion". That's why his character was awesome and fans like to cheer for the underdog anyway. It helped that he had a ridiculous white rapper gimmick which was pretty funny in its own right especially when he was trying to challenge Brock Lesnar to rap battles or something. Man, when did all go wrong?

Oh wait, I remember now. The exact moment Cena began to suck was when he won the WWE championship from JBL in Wrestlemania. Cena was now in the big leagues as a major face and that was all well and good except his character stagnated from that point on. He was no longer an underdog and they got rid of his rapper gimmick. He became "the Champ" or something. Fine. Whatever. However, that doesn't justify the fact that John Cena still doesn't have any substantial development even today. That's my first point. Aw, shit, looks like I'll have to make a list to keep me from rambling.

1. His Character Sucks

Honest question: What's John Cena supposed to be? He's not a midcarder underdog to cheer for anymore nor is he a semi-funny white rapper. Is he a marine? Like a Sgt. Slaughter character? Nah, that was just a lame promotion for his stupid movie. So what's his gimmick? Every wrestler needs a gimmick, that's just a fact of life. Without a gimmick, why would we care to watch that wrestler anyway? Oh wait, I know what Cena is! A piece of shit that's what.

2. He Can't Wrestle

It's wrong to say he can't wrestle because I know the performer is capable. What I mean is, I can't see anything going on in a typical Cena match. What usually happens is, Cena gets beat down by an opponent who does three times as many complicated moves than he does. Cena then "heroicaly" gets back on his feet to do that lame shoulder tackle or something. He gets beat down again. Suddenly, Cena overcomes all odds and does his finisher which doesn't even look that impressive. Any Cena match is a good time to take a piss or do some other things like write in your blog.

3. He is Overexposed and Boring

Cena gets way too much hype. The most annoying part is that he's such a goody goody. The Cena we used to love was not exactly an asshole but he had a mean streak going on. Now he's just not interesting. Why is he even a good guy? I just can't stand him anymore seeing how much of a pussy his character had become. I mean, recently when Cena was "fired" from RAW, he was all emotional and teary eyed. Kiss my ass.

In summation, Cena needs a character overhaul and a new gimmick. The problem is, WWE probably won't. A lot of the "smart" crowd hate him for the reasons above. The jeers in the ECW One Night Stand was pretty brutal. It made me sorry for the performer having to work with such a lousy character. Problem is, Cena is really popular with the children and the child-like adults who are fans of him. WWE won't tear down this hero and make him a villain although I wish they would. Hey, it worked for Hogan.

"You can't Wrestle!"

Infernal Dance

I'm thinking of a huge conflagration.

Revenge of the Ninja

I love movies. I enjoy watching blockbusters as well as classics. However, I also have a fondness for watching bad movies.

When I say "bad" movies, what I really mean are movies that are so bad, they become unintentionally funny. It's so bad, it's good! Think of a straight-forward kung-fu movie if you will, ruined by hilariously atrocious dubbing or a movie ruined by piss-poor special effects. Some movies are even intentionally done poorly as a parody of this type of movie. Alas, it grieves me to say that there are some movies that are so bad, it's a holocaust. Movies that are just so bad, they actually leave the taste of shit in your mouth.

Which brings me to the movie, Revenge of the Ninja. It's a rare movie in that it strides the line between the two kinds of bad movies: "so bad it's good" and "so bad, please kill me". Revenge of the Ninja makes me want to slam the door on my nuts but I can't stop watching it for some bizarre reason. Watching this movie hurts me physically but there's just so much "lulz" factor it can't be ignored. It's kind of like a car crash you know, with the chaos and dead bodies yet, people still flock around to see it. But make no mistake, this movie is bad. Really bad. It's badness cannot be quantified. On a scale of one to ten, Revenge of the Ninja comes at negative banana.

Just look at that poster. It does not make a goddamn bit of sense. 400 years of training, 20th Century America? What kind of a tagline is that? There's no cleverness or rhyme with those standards of time. Art of sudden death? Yeah, you will wish you'd die suddenly rather than watch this pile of donkey feces. Why the hell is the ninja throwing caltrops? You throw stars but DROP caltrops you big dummy. And why is he surfing over the city? Why is the master of stealth holding a goddamn flare? My head hurts! Help!

OK I'm back from a fifteen minute break to collect my sanity. The movies plot goes something like this: The movie begins with a fucking brutal attack on a peaceful Japanese village by ninjas. Women are hacked and slashed by fake swords repeatedly. A boy even takes a shuriken to the forehead for Christ's sake. Anyway, a mother manages to escape and hides her baby in the forest but stupidly runs back to the village to get killed for some reason. The main character comes along and kills the ninja but is so horrified he swears he wont be ninjaing anymore and takes the child to America. In America he runs a doll gallery with his American friend but the dolls are really a way to smuggle heroin and his friend tries to deal with the mafia and the mafia fight back and then ninjas are behind everything and suddenly there's a Native American assassin and theres a fgsfds ajacjhjviewijhklzxhco;yhoeihrf !!!!

I won't hurt myself explaining the story to this movie so go to wikipedia to look it up or something but please don't watch it unless you're a person of strong mental fortitude and have had eaten a complete breakfast.

Why is it bad? Aside from the stupid plot which I don't even want to remember, It's a poorly done movie. The acting is stiff and terrible. The line delivery is horrible. The special effects are cheap and crappy. I even saw a plastic powder bomb in one scene for where a bullet was supposed to hit. But worst of all is the fight scenes. Dear God...

The fight scenes are slow and badly choreographed. Everyone manages to look stupid even the viewer. This video is only one of the many brain cell killing fight scenes in this movie and I sincerely apologize for sharing it on my blog.

Yet, why do I even watch it? Why am I even blogging about this? I'll tell you why. I have a warped and twisted sense of humor and I derive a sick, twisted, masochistic pleasure from watching car accidents like these. I also blog about it to warn people. If you ever see Revenge of the Ninja in the TV listings avoid it like AIDS. If you're watching some random movie in the middle and suspect, even a little, that it might be Revenge of the Ninja, run as far away as you can just to be on the safe side.

sdvzHvcn zEckd gLcm Poaj chxxM qrEncp !?!

Sinulog 2011

The Sinulog activities are drawing near. There's an energy in the air, I can feel it. The city seems abuzz and there's a lot of hustle and bustle even at night. A lot of people, including foreigners, have come for the festivities.

A lot of people means a lot of traffic and crime. It's a problem which I'm sure the government is familiar. It's always a problem this time of year.

Watch yourself out there.

Flaws

I lack discipline. There is no balance in my life right now. Everything feels out of joint. I don't even have balanced meals.

More fiber, perhaps?

Solid

It's been a rough week. After the Christmas vacation, I wasn't sure where I stood in my class subjects. Now I know what's what.

Time to prepare.

Important Lesson

I learned something interesting in school today.

The word "testimony" comes from the word "testes". In ancient Rome, only men could testify before court. It seems that their word was of such importance that they have to swear before the court while cupping their balls. I have to research whether or not this is true but I'm curious.

Wouldn't it be funny if my dinner turned out to be meatballs or something?

No, no it wouldn't.

Sad Dog

My dog has a bad leg. She couldn't get up this morning. She's getting better after some medicine. She can move but she limps on one leg.

This sucks.

William Ackerman - Remedios

The rainy weather has got me thinking...

The Hitman Series Part 4

Hitman: Blood Money

Big Bad Spoilers Ahead

BM is the best Hitman game of all. Any self-respecting person who considers himself a gamer should play this game. It has the best gameplay, story and graphics. BM pushes the Hitman formula and mechanics to its highest point.

The controls are very fluid now. 47 can move along ledges, climb pipes and climb obstacles by simple key movement. Inventory management is better with a quick conceal/draw last weapon button. BM allows you to hide bodies in containers or over ledges and other minor improvements like an auto-sneak feature with the fiber wire, human shields, pistol whipping people to knock them out etc. There's also a notoriety system where if you are seen by witnesses, your next job will be slightly harder since you are more suspicious but I believe this system wasn't executed that well. Spend a few dollars and notoriety won't be a problem. Hell, it isn't that noticeable to begin with.

The story begins with a reporter named Rick interviewing some CIA G-man named Jack. Jack narrates the tales of our beloved hero 47 and all the people he's put out of their misery. Jack narrates the story mission by mission but we actually play through it. It becomes obvious later on that he isn't a very reliable narrator.

47 is in the United States and almost all missions are set there. Of course, its a basic all American tour as 47 goes to Vegas to kill some guy, dumps bodies in the Mississippi and even kills a bunch of people during Mardi Gras in N'awlins. Now, The Agency is getting hammered by their rival, The Franchise. The Agency's operatives are getting killed one by one and some assassins even try taking out 47. They all fail miserably of course. It is revealed that The Franchise was responsible for 47's near death in Paris.

Now Jack mentions how the CIA attempted to kill 47 right about the same moment you encounter rival assassins in the game. Jack is the asshole running The Franchise and he wants 47 dead for a reason. Jack knows 47 is a clone and much of 47's backstory is brilliantly explained in the game although from a villain's perspective. Jack wants 47 dead and burned so nobody can use 47's perfect DNA in his bone marrow to make more clones while in truth, Jack just wants to monopolize the whole clone army market with his own clones. (Inferior models of 47) Eventually, The Agency is reduced to just Diana and 47. Interestingly, 47 doesn't seem to give even half a rat's ass. He just wants his money. 47 is a really greedy asshole in this game. I wonder whats he's gonna spend it on. He basically lives in a damp, dingy basement somewhere like some World of Warcraft player.

Eventually 47 is cornered but Diana gets to him first. Diana tells 47 about her plan to escape but 47 is all like, "Gibe moneys first lololol." Diana then stabs 47 with a syringe and 47 says a bad word for the first time. Some time later, the reporter is bought to 47 lying in state in some church awaiting cremation. The reporter believes the whole thing now and can't wait to write the scoop of the century. Diana approaches 47's body and puts his trademark pistols (which are loaded heh heh...) over his corpse and kisses him on the lips.

But wait! The syringe Diana injected him with was not filled with poison but rather an experimental fake death "deep sleep" drug and the antidote to revive him was in Diana's lipstick! In what could be described as the most incredible, awesome, jaw-dropping moment in video game history, 47 gets up and kills everyone IN HIS OWN FUCKING FUNERAL. No witnesses. Jack dies. 47 escapes. Diana escapes. Goddamn.

The Graphics in this game are gorgeous. From the colorful, yet sinister environments to the fine details of 47's suit, this is one of the games where cool graphics is just icing on a delicious cake that isn't a lie. The soundtrack is superb and fits the game perfectly as usual. We're back to orchestral although there's also a bit of dark electronica left over from Contracts but its a good blend of the two styles. Man I love Jesper Kyd's work on this game.

Well there you have it, an awesome video game series. It's rare for a game to get better and better with each installment. I'm cautious as to Hitman 5. How could they possibly improve on this game? Well, as I mentioned, BM is the high point yet it exposes the limitations of the Hitman formula. AI is still dumb as a rock in combat. Characters models are recycled too much. They need better gimmicks than a notoriety system. Despite this, I'm sure 5 is gonna be good. Hitman has never dissapointed before.

The Hitman Series Part 3

Hitman: Contracts

This is the third Hitman game and the one most people tend to forget. I can't blame them. This game is known as the "grimdark" Hitman. It's really dark like, wow. It makes Silent Hill look like Kirby Super Star. Ok I exaggerate.

If you were expecting a spirited romp in exotic locales like in SA then you're in for a surprise. There's none of that fun crap here. Shit gets serious. Even the orchestral bombast of SA is replaced by dark electronica with sinister ambiance. The atmospheres are dark too with weird green lightsources and candlelight-like effects against dark foggy levels. It's raining on every level. Yup, no single ray of sunshine in this game.

The story goes like this. 47 is in Paris doing a job killing some shmuck when he gets ambushed by the police. Worse is that the police seem to know who he really is, an international assassin. Even worse than that is 47 gets shot in the gut and is slowly bleeding out in a dim hotel room. The missions are actually flashbacks playing in 47's head in between moments of consciousness so yeah, you're basically going inside the mind of a killer.

This game is dark. It's really dark. For example, there's this mission where you must assassinate some guy called "The Meat King" and his lawyer, who is no doubt evil just for being one. You must also rescue a young woman believed to have been abducted and is being held in the Meat King's place. Get this, you have to infiltrate the Meat King's party dressed as a butcher. Why? Because the party is being held in a slaughterhouse. Oh and it's an S&M party. You have to look for the Meat King while wading through the dance floor full of people in tight black leather grinding and fornicating against the blood splattered walls amidst the decaying carcasses of cows and horses strewn about. The air is freezing and thick with opium smoke. Yes, they're doing all sorts of drugs. The Meat King himself is a grotesque, morbidly obese glutton who fancies eating whole chickens for breakfast. Oh, and guess what? The young lady is dead and her mutilated corpse is hanging upside down from a meathook being violated by the Meat Kings brother. You end up having to take her severed arm as death proof. THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST MISSION.

Thought I was kidding? It gets worse from here. I won't elaborate but there's a mission where you see an actual ghost. The other missions are "retellings" of the missions of Codename 47 or so I've heard.

The gameplay in Contracts is a vast improvement. 47 moves better. Command keys better respond to context sensitive situation but you can still hold it to see other options. AI hasn't changed sadly and is still stupid in combat. The best thing in contracts is there a situation specific commands where if the situation is just right, 47 can do something special. For example, if the target steps into a sauna, 47 can execute a command near the valve and crank up the heat to kill the sucker. The target in that sauna mission had a heart problem so giving him a nice old-fashioned heatstroke was pretty cool. There are other examples.

While Contracts isn't the best Hitman game or has the best soundtrack, it is the most interesting for me. 47 really is one sick, disturbed individual but still badass nonetheless. In the climax of the game, 47 gets patched up thanks to Diana sending over a doctor from the Agency. 47 has barely enough time to recover when he hears the police storm the building. 47 manages to get out unseen anyway (It's possible to do in game) and to add insult to injury, he fucking kills the police inspector in charge of the whole thing while he's in the middle of the street without anyone noticing. (It's also possible!) Nobody messes with the bald killer clone.

Hitman: Blood Money next time...

The Hitman Series Part 2

Now that the characters are out of the way, let's analyze the games one by one. Spoilers abound, needless to say. Shall we?

Hitman: Codename 47

Alright, truth be told, I can't comment much on the first game since I've never played it. I don't have much to say and neither does IO Interactive apparently because when they released the Hitman Triple Pack bundle, they didn't include it. Did they forget or are they embarrassed of it or something?

Anyway, all I know is you get to play 47 as he was in the clone labs. You work for The Agency, you kill people, yadda yadda, you kill your own "father", you know, some plot stuff happens. In the end you escape and become some sort of free assassin.

Hitman 2: Silent Assassin

Ah yes, my first Hitman game and the one I remember most fondly. The story begins in Sicily where 47 is now living in seclusion as a gardener in a church who wants to atone for his sins of killing people. It may come as a shock to people who played the later games to see 47 like this. Yes, the mentally disturbed murderer from Contracts and the ruthless, heartless, money-grubbin' contract killer from Blood Money once grew tomatoes and went to church like a good little boy in some Italian wherever. In retrospect, it's hard to believe that 47 even had something of a conscience. Hmm... Did I mention he had a pet bunny as a child?

Anyway, some bad guys kidnap the priest for some reason and 47 is pissed because the priest is like a mentor to him or something. Again, it's really odd to see 47 care about an individual. To rescue the Father Vittorio, 47 uses his contacts in the The Agency but quid pro quo, they want 47 to do some jobs for them and he agrees. So much for redemption eh?

Hitman 2:SA is an international adventure. The missions take place in Russia, Japan, Afghanistan, Malaysia and India. You get to meet interesting people and then kill them in horrible ways. Hell, there's even a mission where you fight fucking ninjas in an Japanese castle. The game is full of awesome. It has a "grandiose" feel to it. It's like some kind of James Bond movie but instead of dropping cheesy one-liners, you drop pianos on people. Just kidding, there's no mission where you drop a piano on someone but there should be. Could you imagine? The awesome scale would go off the chart.

It's an old fashioned stealth game complete with stupid AI. However, the Hitman games all use a disguise system where you wear different outfits and they grant you access to certain areas. The controls are a bit jerky and the game has its share of bugs especially in the dreaded "Finding Hayamoto" levels where snipers can spot you in a snowstorm from a thousand miles away even when disguised.

Special mention must be made to the soundtrack composed by Jesper Kyd. He's composed music for pretty much all of the games and they all fit their respective games perfectly. Personally, I consider the soundtrack to SA to be the best of the series.



After everything, it turns out the whole priestnapping and subsequent missions were a conspiracy by some Russian dude named Sergei and the targets 47 killed were witnesses to some nuclear warhead deal of Sergei's or something. 47 kills Sergei and saves the priest but decides he's beyond saving and goes back to his life of killing which is good news for us since it means more Hitman games.

More to come...

The Hitman Series

I quit posting last November to work on a novel and wound up forgetting about this blog and not posting in December as well. Oh, and the novel didn't work out. Whatever.

So now I'm gonna write a big article and since I don't know what to write, I'm going to write something I'm passionate about, video games! Specifically, the Hitman Series by IO Interactive and published by Eidos Interactive. What better way to start the new year than writing about a video game featuring violence and murder for profit?

There are four games in the series namely and in order: Hitman:Codename 47, Hitman 2:Silent Assassin, Hitman:Contracts and Hitman:Blood Money. There was a movie released based on the Hitman series but that deserves its own article about how hilariously stupid and unfaithful it was to the games and how incredibly average it was. There were tits in the movie though so it wasn't all bad. There's also a novel but shit, who wants to read a novel based on a video game? Come on.

Characters

The main character and titular hitman of the game is a man known as Agent 47. Well, he's not really an ordinary man. 47 is a genetic experiment, a clone made from the DNA of five of the toughest sons of bitches in the world. His name comes from the end numbers on the barcode on the back of his shiny bald head. He has many aliases but let's just call him 47. While he's not a super human, his strength, speed and intelligence are far above the average Joe Sixpack. He's been created, raised and trained to be a perfect assassin and good lord is he ever. His favored method of assassination is strangulation via his trademark portable fiber wire garrote. As far as personality goes, 47 is sarcastic, cold, distant and emotionally detached. He likes animals though like little bunnies and canaries. (I'm not kidding) His morality and personality is explored in the different games. I shall expound on this later.

His handler is Diana Burnwood who acts as 47's support as well as provide him contracts from "The Agency". Most of the time she's just a voice...a sexy, sexy, voice over a laptop providing 47 with intel on the latest target of assassination. She seems to care about 47, at least, enough to save his life on two separate games: in Contracts and Blood Money. The relationship of Diana and 47 is an interesting one.

Agent Smith is an American CIA agent who has connections to The Agency. He's mostly comic relief. Every game has a mission wherein 47 has to save his sorry ass after being captured often in his underwear. Smith is very patriotic as evidenced in one crazy awesome mission in Blood Money where he payed 47 to rescue the goddamned President of the United States.

Mei Ling is a Chinese woman abducted into put into a brothel by Chinese crime lord Lee Hong and later prostituted herself to a Japanese crime lord, Hayamoto. 47 saves her both times. She's the only person ever to have kissed 47 and he wasn't to happy about human contact. 47 almost chocked on his own vomit if i remember right.

The International Contract Agency or "The Agency"(duh) is 47's employer. They have ties to CIA, KGB, M16, NSA, the UN and probably every major intelligence network in the world. They are mostly neutral and most people they have 47 kill are drug lords, criminals, pedophiles, crime kingpins, corrupt politicians, and really naughty people. Their motto is Merces Letifer.

The Franchise is The Agency's rival and the antagonist in Blood Money. The Franchise also handle assassinations but they use poorly made clones that can't hold a candle to 47. They figure prominently in Blood Money where they almost destroy The Agency and 47 along with it. They even employed assassins to try and kill 47 but he promptly blows them away with ease with his pimp hand like the amateurs they were.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen...

More to come...