To calm my nerves, I flipped through the channels and stumbled on this movie. It was called "Malibu Shark Attack". Sounds bad? Well you bet your ass it sounds bad and it was!
The movie sounded so terrible, it appealed to me. After all the stress for the past few days, never before have I been so relieved to see a teribadawful movie. I needed something to take my mind of things. It was so bad, it went from being bad to hilarious then back to bad and stayed there. I won't even go on about the wet fart it called a plot. What matters most is that I see stupid people get eaten and it did not disappoint. I enjoyed every mind-numbing second of it.
Interestingly, the other movie channel had Deep Blue Sea showing at about the same time. Coincidence!? Anyway, I stayed tuned to it just to see that scene. You know what I'm talking about. That scene where the shark just jumps out of nowhere and eats SAMUEL L. JACKSON. SAMUEL L. JACKSON! You know, that scene always got to me. I know its tradition to have the black guy get killed in horror or monster movies but SAMUEL L. JACKSON? The exception to the tradition is when the black guy is a famous actor, then he gets some kind of celebrity plot death immunity. There were two black guys in the movie, SAMUEL L. JACKSON and some rapper. SAMUEL L. JACKSON had more star power in his left nut than that rapper could ever have. But no. The shark ate him. The shark fucking ate SAMUEL L. JACKSON! It disturbs me deeply even to this day.
That. Shark. Fucking. Ate. SAMUEL L. JACKSON.
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