Writing

It is said that one doesn't know what he thinks until he has to write it down. Judging by the sorry state of this blog, it seems I'm at a loss and I freely admit that.

I believe I owe the handful of people who actually read this blog an explanation as to why I haven't been writing anything lately and by lately, I mean more than a year. To put it simply, I've come to a point in my life where I'm not sure of anything anymore. I can't explain exactly why or pinpoint the exact time when I ceased to become confident of anything I put to print. But every time I sit down and tell myself that I need to post something, my mind is just a blank. Why?

This may sound crazy but I think most of the things in life presented as truth is a lie or at least only partly true. This uncertainty scrambles my brain, clouds my thoughts, and stops me from writing more than a few sentences before I give up. It's as if I have no confidence at all to the point that I can't even put it down in some blog nobody reads.

As I look at my older posts, it disgusts me. What the hell did I know way back when I was a college student? How could I have known what hell the world would mutate into today?

I wish there was a word for this.

But after giving it some thought, I think the problem is that I feel the need to write something "big", or something to weigh in on the important subjects of the day or society at large. But now I cannot. It feels like lying. I can't possibly know how things really. I can only observe what's in front of me and no ordinary man has the power to peer behind to curtains.

Perhaps it's time to think smaller and shrink the world. Not that I need any help, the world seems to be shrinking fast lately. Or maybe it's time to just stop caring so much and shoot straight. 

Or maybe I should stop navel-gazing about writing and just do it.