Why I Don't Like John Cena

I mentioned this in passing in my Wrestlemania preview but here it is. Allow me to explain why I don't like John Cena and want him off my TV and monitor as much as possible.

But first things first. I'm referring to John Cena as a character and on-screen personality. I don't know John Cena as a person and don't pretend to know what goes on backstage or the politics behind everything.

Secondly, if you like John Cena and are a fan of his, then good for you. Don't let me stop you. I understand that stuff like this is subjective. No performer has absolute, one hundred percent crowd approval. I'm not insulting John Cena fans for liking him either. Whatever floats your boat, man.

I've decided to use the match Cena had against Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania to explain my point. The whole thing, from the build-up to the match, neatly illustrates everything I dislike about the character.

Bray Wyatt, as regular viewers know, has a cult leader gimmick. He's supposed to be a creepy and dangerous monster. John Cena is... Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure what John Cena's gimmick is supposed to be. He's a generic good guy and I'm not writing that to be funny. John Cena is quite flat as a personality. He talks about showing up for work, working hard and caring about the business but you could say the same for many other wrestlers who work just as hard but don't brag about it. Cena can't be the only one who works hard or cares; those are good virtues but are not that special.

He does Make-A-Wish charity and supports the troops but I think it doesn't make sense to use these things to get me to like Cena, as a performer. Wrestling exists in its own universe. While wrestling has been getting "real" lately, there is a level of make-believe to it. Of course, the Undertaker isn't really a zombie. Of course, Kane doesn't really have the power to conjure fire with his mind. So John Cena, the performer, can't be John Cena the person and to combine the two cheapens his charitable acts as a selfish ploy to get us to want to see him. Let me put it this way, the charity a Hollywood actor does doesn't make him any better as an actor. We can admire the generosity of someone like Oprah Winfrey and still think she was terrible in The Butler. So while I respect John Cena personally going out of his way to make sick kids' dreams come true, that doesn't mean I have to automatically clap and cheer his performance as a character. The two things are unrelated.

I also don't think John Cena is funny when he tries to hard to be The Rock. But humor is subjective so I'll leave it at that. If you think he's funny, fine.

When it comes to wrestling ability, I wouldn't go so far as to say John Cena can't wrestle. I know he, at least, knows the basics of wrestling such as how to do suplexes and how to fall on your back without popping an eyeball. But can he wrestle well? Maybe. What bugs me the most is how repetitive his matches have become. When you've seen just one Cena match, you've pretty much seen them all. He usually gets beaten up in the majority of his matches. He tries to pull out a few moves to silence the critics, like an awkward huricanrana, a leg drop from the top ropes or maybe even a monkey flip if he's feeling adventurous. However, he settles into the routine by doinga few shoulder blocks, a spinning side slam, the "five knuckle shuffle", the "attitude adjustment" and/or the STF submission. The "five moves of doom" as the Internet calls it. To be fair, it's not always five and lots of wrestlers have routines. That still doesn't mean it isn't boring to watch every time though.

Another issue I have is Cena's "selling". To "sell", in Wrestling, means to act as if what's happening to you is real or serious. When a wrestler throws a fake punch, the receiver "sells" by acting as if it really hurt. With Cena, he doesn't do a good job at selling. Never mind having the crap beaten out of you 90% of the time then miraculously overcoming the odds and annihilating your opponent in the remaining 10%. What I mean is that after the match, Cena doesn't appear to have been affected by the beating he took. The most egregious example of this was during the match Cena had against Brock Lesnar in 2012 at Extreme Rules. It was a sight to behold. Brock gave Cena such a horrendous beating that it almost made me uncomfortable. Good stuff. Of course, despite receiving 90% of the offense from Brock, Cena won anyway with his 10%. Whatever. What really bugged me about it was that after the match, Cena took the microphone and spoke to the crowd despite receiving the beating of his life. He should have been taken out on a stretcher or something. Anyway, he told the crowd he was hurt and hinted he was so hurt that he could be gone for a while. He appeared the next night with his arm in a sling (and in his wrestling gear, oddly) but don't worry, Cena took care to mention nothing was broken and that his muscles were merely strained. I guess we should be grateful because that's the most selling we're gonna get.

Anyway, about the Wrestlemania match...

The build up to the match actually began in Elimination Chamber, where Wyatt cost Cena his match for no reason, but of course, it would all be explained. Anyway, the feud was that Wyatt thought John Cena was a fake and wanted to expose him as a phony. John Cena responded by calling Bray Wyatt a homeless person with a Hawaiian shirt and fedora. Realizing that mocking the gimmick per se, was not a good idea, Cena went before the crowd the next week and said he was "scared" of Bray Wyatt. So he went from laughing off Wyatt to suddenly being scared of him because he said so. Anyway, to up the stakes to Wrestlemania levels, the match suddenly became all about Cena's "legacy". Bray Wyatt was out to tarnish Cena's legacy. OK. At least we got some awesome vignettes featuring Eminem.

During the match at Wrestlemania, Cena started to go over to the dark side. He made strange faces and I thought he was constipated but I realized it was just bad acting. The moral dilemma arrived. Bray knelt before Cena and dared him to strike him with a steel chair. The psychology of the match dictated that if Cena were to hit Bray with the chair, then he goes over to the dark side.

There are two scenarios that would have made sense:

The first scenario is that Cena strikes Bray with the chair. Cena not only loses via disqualification, but also loses in a moral sense as he proves Bray correct. This is an unlikely scenario but I would have preferred it as it would make Cena's character more interesting as he comes to terms with his act.

This second scenario would have made the most sense. Cena refuses to resort to using the weapon which allows Bray to take advantage and beat John Cena himself. Bray wins in a technical sense but Cena wins a moral victory. Bray gets the right to claim he beat Cena at Wrestlemania  yet Cena stays true to his principles. Everybody wins... sort of.

But nope. What happened was that Cena didn't use the chair on Bray and simply beat him the normal way. Cena won both a technical and moral victory and Bray was less of the monster he used to be as he was beaten physically and mentally.

This is my biggest problem with Cena. It's not his wrestling ability or the way he talks but the fact that nothing ever changes with this guy. He won the match and he's still the same John Cena as he was before. Nothing changed. The reason why people cheer Daniel Bryan is because he really was a talented underdog that people wanted to see succeed. Daniel Bryan won; in other words he "changed". To put it in other terms, Daniel Bryan's character arc concluded. With Cena there's no arc. Cena is the nice guy who won because he's a nice guy and now he gets to keep being a nice guy. Nothing changes. He's still the same as he was for the last eight years. You can't have an underdog story with a guy who's done it all and has been at the top for so long. It doesn't help that this whole feud was already done before! Remember Kane's "embrace the hate" feud with Cena? Same thing. Nothing changes.

To put it simply: John Cena is stale and uninteresting.

That's why I don't like him. He doesn't change. Nothing affects him. If nothing affects a character at all, then how is he relatable? Why should we care when nothing is at stake because nothing changes?

Oh, and don't think I'm one of those guys calling for a "heel turn". Cena doesn't necessarily have to turn into a bad guy. Just make him interesting. Is that too much to ask? Would even the second scenario be that bad? Just make him look vulnerable for at least one second then maybe, I'd relate to him. Think about it; if Cena had lost because he stuck to his principles then that's something sympathetic right there. How many people can relate to suffering because you decided to stay true to yourself and stick to your beliefs? See what I mean? It's way better than, "I win all the time".

Lately, Cena has been cutting promos about being the gatekeeper of the WWE of sorts. He remarks how all the up and coming talents have to go through him. While it's a little arrogant, at least it opens a new dimension for him. But it does have the unfortunate implication that if you can't beat Cena, then you're not ready, brother!

This is all I'll ever write about John Cena. I'm afraid I already exposed myself as a guy who thinks of wrestling (which is fake and gay amirite?) a bit too much. But I just needed to get this off my chest. People who dislike Cena aren't all "haters". Hate is a strong word. I just don't like him. Some of the criticism is fair, don't you think?

I don't "hate" the guy but I just think he fucking sucks.