GMA's SONA

Tomorrow the President is going to give the State Of The Nation Address. Whoopee. Whatever. Look, I know how its going to go. GMA is gonna point out a bunch of figures showing how good everything is and this and that all to rounds of applause from supporters. Its going to be boring.

I can't really bring myself to hate the President like the stupid liberals in college. She is only carrying out her duty as a scapegoat for our collective failure, presiding over our dysfunctional democracy where officials are forced to play politics instead of governing. This will be her last SONA or is it? There is a lot of rumors going around that the President is going to extend her term and by rumors, I mean bullshit. She isn't going to extend her term, being President is a crappy job. After this, she's probably going to represent her district or get some other cushy government job. Extending her term by hook or crook is just going to lock her out of politics forever and she's too smart for that.

But I just had a funny thought. Wouldn't it be awesome if GMA, our President, goes up on that stage and just gives everyone the finger? After that, she just rants on stage about how stupid everyone is and actually reveal herself to be a genius with a British accent. Nobody would expect that and that would make a great report in our Political Science classes.

The Governor vs. The Mayor Redux

They are at it again.

Recently, our beloved fathead mayor of Cebu and our fabulously unhinged governor traded verbal snipes at each other. Ms.Gov boasts about the province's wealth and this pisses of "His Honor" to no end. So he goes on and says that the province may have a lot of money, but the health care still sucks. He suggested that the Cebu International Convention Center, a project of the governor that is currently sitting around doing nothing, should be converted to a hospital. I don't know if he was serious or not but I'm sure the mayor meant it in an insulting way. Naturally, as all politicians do, IT WAS PERSONAL. So she goes and says that the reclamation project, the mayor's pride, is good only for storing impounded vehicles from the lucrative but shady towing businesses in the city.

This stung. You see, towing companies merrily troll the city like sex tourists in Thailand, looking for cars to clamp and tow. Instead of following the local ordinance regarding towing procedures, they just clamp that piece of shit up and that's that. It's big money. The mayor has his hand into this I'm sure. Mayor was pretty interested in the affairs of the towing business when he was away. His leniency in all this illegal towing is getting some rich people angry. To top it all off, towing companies don't target jeepneys, the worst traffic violators of the bunch because they are a voting force for the mayor probably. Even though I don't like her, the governor's snappy retort warms my stone heart. The mayor flipped out.

In typical trademark batshit overreactions we have come to expect, the Mayor decreed that provincial people would be denied care in the city hospital. Think about that for a minute. Provincial Cebuano are denied care in the Cebu City Medical Center because they are from Cebu Province. I know, It hurts my head too. He even dared people to sue. This reminds me of the time the mayor closed down roads in a mind boggling ploy to get even with the governor or was it us he was trying to get even on? I forget who he hates more, her or us. This is what fucking happens in the Philippines. Provincials have different political allegiances than city officials. They are not even from the same party, her and him. If our country can't be divided enough, we now have city versus province, Cebuano versus Cebuano. The mayor is a big baby. The governor is a big baby. They are all babies. All of them are stupid, thin-skinned, petty, vindictive, arrogant, man-children who are out of touch with reality and should be shot in the public square I'm afraid to say. How did these guys get elected anyway? Oh yeah, the retarded, gullible, vote-selling masses who can't think for themselves and are easily impressed with tits, beer, free shit and empty promises.

But I have to hand it to the governor. For all her hubris and vanity, at least she doesn't drag us all down to hell like the mayor does routinely. That, at the very least, is the only positive I can write about today.

Learning Tagalog

I don't know Tagalog. I Never used it so I never learned it but I need to learn it in order to pass my shitty Filipino subject. As I wrote in the previous article about the awesomeness of Sponghabob Quadradopantalon, I'm trying to learn the language by a popularly suggested method which is watching Tagalog shows.

First of, I tried to watch Filipino movies. The only thing I learned however was that the movie industry in the Philippines is a lot like our political system, It's the same damn faces all over again. Seriously, is seems every Filipino movie stars Erap or Fernando Poe Jr. Even the modern films suffer from this in that the movies are just tired retreads with the same popular actors. Just how many fucking "Shake Rattle & Roll" have been made? (It's 10 I CHECKED) Maybe I'm being too harsh but there has to be more untapped talent out there than seeing the same people over again. Filipino movies only provide minimal educational value. The most you will learn is how to yell "You're finished." or "You killed my wife." in Tagalog, that cars flip over easily and explode, and that every Filipino movie has a minimum of one midget and/or gay guy.

Next I tried watching TV soap operas. Most are not even Filipino made, it's just Korean and Spanish (or Mexican? I'm not sure) surplus dubbed over. Some of it does not translate very well I tell you. The stories themselves are just syrupy love-love mush that makes watching it physically painful. The Korean series are typically targeted to women with all their pretty boys and true love cliches. The Spanish ones I can deal with since the women have nice boobs. By the way, locally made TV shows can be unintentionally hilarious, lulzy and awesome. A Filipino Zorro? Why the hell not!? Filipinos who can turn into wolves? "Throw it in there son!" The learning value? Pretty good and practical since it's more on conversation although the stories themselves sometimes make me vomit.

Lastly, there's basic programs like news shows, talk shows and so forth. Poor Educational value. VERY POOR. I swear, whenever some celebrity is interviewed, he/she speaks in Taglish. Taglish is the bastard child of Tagalog and English and is something that does not help anyone. He/she talks Tagalog for five seconds then spouts off some English phrase you would typically hear in a cheesy Hollywood movie. Halimbawa, "Sinabi sa aking Boyfriend nga "It's not you, it's me." Kase, I feel your pain. Sobra na ang Emotional damage." You know, I think deep down, every Filipino just wishes we would declare English our official language and be done with it. Poor educational value. Poor.

In conclusion, I learned that forcing yourself to watch Tagalog and Tagalog dubbed television series is the best way to learn. If I feel myself turning gay from the adolescent pretty boy Korean romances, the Spanish show with the curvy lady should fix things.