Politicians Can't Take A Joke

I was busy so I didn't update last week. But now it's Monday and I'm good and pissed. It's time to start ranting about things I hate. This is gonna be heavy to make up for last week.

Politicians in the Philippines have a bad rep. Alright, to be fair, I concede that not all politicians are assholes. Some of them are probably good and dedicated individuals but I have yet to meet these mythical beings. You see, Politicians in the Philippines in general, love to throw their weight around and if you have seen some of them, that's a lot of weight. Blame it on patronage politics assuring their positions but these politicos can be really arrogant. They spend most of their time going about doing things THEIR way and just plain old dicking around. Naturally, some people have a problem with this. When somebody decides he has had enough with the mediocrity and incompetence and finally calls them on their bullshit, what happens? "Waaaahhh!!" "Waaaahhh" "Baaawww!" "Libel!" "Slander!" "Waaaahh!" Christ, for people with such thick faces, they have such thin skin. Politicians don't like criticism, or even jokes about them. If you are a media man or radio commentator, then expect them to put the screws on you good.

Poking fun at politicians is something we should do more often as a people. If people don't humiliate politicians for their failings, politicians tend to just go on and on while their egos get bigger and bigger. Poking fun at politicians is something that should ground their asses back to the earth. Of course, the jokes have to be in good taste. For example, Calling our mayor and governor childish buffoons for their petty squabbling is alright because ,well, it's pretty much true.(More on this below) Making fun of them is basically just pointing out the obvious and speaking bluntly. The idea here is that if we can mock our leaders and point out the flaws in their governance, then it will prevent them from having their egos inflated to such a degree that everything gets sucked in by it's gravitational pull.

What do we have now? People are scared. People are too scared to say anything. It sickens me that in this country, where we have freedom of speech which I am genuinely proud of, the people have lost their balls to speak up and would rather sit down with their thumbs up their ass. It has gotten to such a depressing low point that anyone who does not agree with the "lider" is cut off from funding, or his job, or his property or anything the government can possibly squeeze out of you.

Let me give you one hell of a story to make my point. This is 100% pure truth. I bullshit you not. For those of you unfamiliar with Cebu goings-on, here's the prelude. The mayor is an arrogant prick while the governor is vain and egotistical. The mayor and the governor are always quarrelling with each other. They quarrel about this, they quarrel about that. How their petty little rivalry started, nobody remembers or cares. What's important is that they keep undermining and irritating each other at the citizens expense. One time, the governor closed a road to the hospital just to spite the mayor. Yes, it is that bad. Yes, we are suffering for it and yes, nobody is impressed with their bullshit. This rivalry between provincial and municipal is basically government sawing off it's own legs.

Anyway, one fateful day, the governor invited several media men and journalists over at the capitol. While they were waiting for her, the governor suddenly swooped into the room wearing a cape and holding a decorative chicken sculpture. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. She fancied herself "Tandang Zora", and started conversing with the chicken, talking down to it and pretending it was the mayor! She then got a feather and began tickling the chicken while the media were busy taking photos and collectively shitting their pants going WTF!?. I always doubted the governor's mental health but GODDAMN. It was fucking front page news needless to say.

But now here's the saddest part to our already hilariously sad story. After the incident went public, nobody said anything. Nothing. Sure some journalists had some fun, but it was more along the lines of, "Oh ho, that governor! Ha ha! God bless her..." That's it? Here we had one of the most fantastic displays of blatant lunacy I have ever seen a politician do. It was the perfect opportunity to laugh at the governor. She was the perfect target for ridicule. She was a freaking bulls eye for any would be comedian. IT WAS COMEDY GOLD! But no. Nobody had the balls. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity when a politician was completely exposed to mockery and we did nothing. It was the perfect opportunity to humble an already egotistical governor and we didn't take it. Shame, shame, shame. The mayor had his moments too but nothing compared to this. Oh, and the mayor has cancer and is bald from chemo now so he's pretty much off-limits as far as good taste is concerned.

So what did I learn? I learned that even if the emperor paraded the streets naked, we would bow to him. I learned that political satire is dead in this country. I learned that the growth of politicians' egos are unchecked. And lastly, I learned that sanity is apparently not a requisite for government office.

The Leviathan

While the rest of the country's youth are busy studying to become nurses, I have been studying political philosophy. Whoopee. Anyway, Its Sunday and its time some "philosophical" rambling.

In our class, we were discussing the book, "Leviathan" by Thomas Hobbes. Hobbes, as you may have heard of him, is one of the greatest thinkers in political science. The book is named after an all-powerful sea monster from the bible that lived in the Mediterranean that was so awesome, it could swallow the waters of Jordan and make water boil from it's mouth. Also, the book talks about government. Okay, so in the beginning, there was a state of nature where man lives without civil society in the jungle probably. Life sucked balls for man as he not only had to struggle for himself, but he had to fight off the other assholes who tried to kill him and take his stuff. Basically, in the state of nature, man is completely free. Man is so free in fact, that he can kill you , steal your house/cave and rape your wife. Life is every man for himself and property is what you can hold onto with your bare hands.

Since life is so damned miserable, man decides to come together to form society. Man gives up his awesome freedom to form a contract and a "Leviathan", a person or entity with absolute power whom man obeys in exchange that the Leviathan impose order in society and stop people from killing and raping each other while they sleep. Think of the Leviathan as the big brother who's got your back. Justice exists when people obey the Leviathan and I mean total obedience. We are not talking about some gay constitutional monarchy here or something but absolute freaking power which means the Leviathan has the power to kill anyone opposing him or making trouble. (For the benefit of the rest of course) Whether or not the Leviathan is good or evil is irrelevant. Hobbes was not exactly living in fun times and the need for order was so great. So man surrenders his freedom to form a Leviathan, who in exchange makes sure there is order and people don't get killed.

So why write about the Leviathan? Well, let's just say that in this country, we have a little peace and order problem. Recently in my home city of Cebu, someone was shot dead twice in the chest probably with hollow-point rounds by masked men on motorcycles. What made this stand out from the hundred similar cases was that this was someone who the media deemed "important" enough to deserve the front page and our small attention spans. Shit, what about the other guys who got deep-sixed that we didn't hear about? I remember months ago, some lawyer in a high profile case was offed in pretty much the same way. Yes, it seems that if you step on the wrong toes in this place, you will be killed by motorcycle riding marksmen with bullets that explode into little pieces inside your body that gleefully embed themselves in your vital organs. And the police? What police? Totally useless. Do we ever hear about these hit men being caught? Not really, everyone will forget in a week until another one comes along. All this pretty decorations and slogans about how good society is getting under the leadership of politician [Brand Name] is a bullshit facade to hide the rot underneath this country. The truth is anyone can pay to have anyone killed and the perpetrators probably won't get caught. Its only a matter of time before things fall apart. If a crime wave were to hit the city, I doubt the police has the resources to stop them all. Truth is that we are not safe. I am not safe. If someone stole your cellphone or bicycle, tough shit. Someone kill your wife? Cry me a river.

How about that Leviathan? In a recent poll, It was discovered that Asians are typically willing to tolerate an unsavory leader as long as he "gets the job done" *wink**wink*. How far are we willing to go? Can we really agree to give a leader so much power? "Never again!" We might say as we remember good ole' Marcos. But remember, that bastard Marcos imposed his power on the people and frankly, we can't really give consent when being dragged away to a cold prison but if things get worse and society becomes as lawless as Mindanao's ass region, Leviathan would make a cool name for a government position.

Guilt Tripping

Studying in private schools for most of my life has taught me all about the noble art of guilt tripping. To get even a "good enough" education in this country, you have to go to private schools and most private schools are run by religious groups. Naturally, the only people who can afford to send their kids to private schools are the middle and upper class, a fact that the priests who run the private schools never shut up about.

In the catholic school I was in, I was taught that there were many dirt-poor children in the country who were starving and could barely afford to eat a square meal and It was all my goddamned fault for being born to a well-to-do family. I was repeatedly told that I was one of the fortunate ones who were lucky enough to come out of the right vagina. I was told that I could have been born to a poor family and that I should be grateful for my fortune and while I'm at it, put more money in the donation box. There were many outreach programs I had to join wherein I was thrust straight in the middle a poor community or something just so the priests could enjoy seeing me squirm and feel out of place for being the only person in the area who didn't smell like sour milk . "Now YOU know how THEY feeeeeeel." they would say from their air-conditioned van. I felt terrible in the middle of such squalor. It was a bad feeling. It was guilt. This is the art of guilt tripping.

To those who do not know or have never experienced being guilt tripped (which means you are probably poor or an atheist), guilt tripping, simply put, is when people prey on your insecurities to make you feel guilty enough to do what they want. "Can't you donate some coins? Have a heart." Guilt tripping is what the church, with it's obsession with morals, does best. The church is always whining about how people today are ungrateful bastards who don't do enough for the poor or how the mere crumbs from our table are enough to feed a family of six. It's not just the priests who are good at this, pretty much any authority figure, hell, anyone can play the guilt tripping game if they are good at it. Parents can tell their kids, "You little shit! We work and work hard for you but you just keep whining and whining about actually wanting a party on your birthday. Now get out, mommy and I need to talk in private, upstairs, in the bedroom." Guilt tripping makes you feel morally superior too. "Let's go out to a fancy restaurant." "How can you want to go out to a fancy restaurant while there are children being eaten alive by vultures in Africa." Speaking of Africa, people guilt trip entire nations too. This isn't unique to the Philippines as hardly anything is. I bet Americans are always told how lucky they are to live in the first world and that they should do more to help starving Ethiopians or something. Poor bastards, I can relate being told to give stuff to complete strangers who will most likely become dependent instead of self-sufficient. Whatever.

Now that I'm older and gone through enough guilt tripping and become wise to it, my body has pretty much built an almost perfect resistance to guilt tripping. Eventually you will realize that not everything is your fault and it's pretty much impossible to solve all societies problems by simply throwing your extra money at it. So whenever people tell me that I should feel bad about eating a cheeseburger while the poor eat dirtburgers well, you know what? Fuck the poor. Not my fault they have so many children.

First Entry

The world is rotten.

Welcome all to my blog. I am That Guy and I've been meaning to start my own blog for a while but didn't have the energy to get off my ass and do it. Well times are pretty "interesting" here and around the world so it's a good time to start writing about how crappy it is. This blog is just my two cents. I don't write for anyone and I write whatever the hell I feel like.

About me, I live in Cebu. Cebu is a tiny and insignificant island in the middle of a larger group of tiny, insignificant islands collectively known as the Philippines, you know, that country in East Asia that's NOT China, Korea or Japan. You may have missed it. Anyway, I'm in college and studying Political Science but don't expect any smart-ass anal-ysis of Philippine politics here. Instead, expect hatred and sarcasm because frankly, Philippine politics is horse shit, and I write that with a straight face. Don't get me wrong, I dont want to be another Filipino bitching about how shitty my government is or how the President is scum or something like that because shit, we have too much of that floating around already. I just write what I observe and if you saw the things I see here in the Philippines, well, It's stupid! It's hilarious! It's stupid! It's cruel! It's stupid! It's comedy gold!

I plan to update on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Maybe. Whatever. If I get around to it, I'll do it. Since science has proven that Monday is THE worst fucking day in the entire week, I'll probably rant about something that pisses me of. On Wednesdays maybe I'll write about daily life to help you fall asleep. On Fridays, maybe I'll write about movies, video games and other fun garbage that I use to distract me from my meaningless life. On Sundays maybe some religious or "philosophical" bullcrap. I'm not religious or much of a philosopher so expect the third.

That all.