Mass Effect: Paragon Lost

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost is an anime produced by BioWare, FUNimation, T.O Entertainment and Production I.G based on the popular video game trilogy, Mass Effect.

Mass Effect was a very interesting science fiction video game. It's strengths were its immersive storytelling, excellent dialogue system and memorable characters. Of course, it went to shit at the third installment which, as I have already accepted, is the ultimate fate of any beloved video game series. Nothing good lasts forever but that's another topic.

It's a trend nowadays for popular video games to get its own anime spin-offs. Anime still has the "cool" factor so why not make one to appeal to the fanbase? Halo, for example had its own anime after it proved popular. Same with Devil May Cry. In fact, if you go back further, I guess Street Fighter would count. Some games come with their own anime tie-in beforehand even if it turns out they're not even that good and kind of suck!

The anime stars James Vega, everyone's favorite meathead from the third game. I'm just gonna admit right now that I didn't like James Vega in the game and in fact, found him obnoxious. But again, that's another topic. I must admit, my view of the character has improved greatly after watching this but no spoilers.

The story begins in a human colony called Fehl Prime which is under attack by the Blood Pack mercenaries. James Vega and his squad of Alliance Marines are deployed to give aid to the colonists.

The Good

The music in the anime is very good. It's sounds just like the music in-game which is no surprise since it was composed by the same people. It really captures the feel of the Mass Effect series and fits in with the action as well.

The voice acting is pretty good too. Freddy Prinze Jr. reprises role as James Vega. Some important characters from the game who make cameos are even voiced by their respective actors. The side characters are well done, I guess, but the voice acting is not the problem...

The story sticks to a theme which is the importance of the decisions we make. I appreciate this as choices and decisions were very important in the game as well. At least some people who made this knew what they were doing.

If you're a fan of the game then there's plenty of things here to keep you happy aside from the cameos. The events about halfway through in should bring out familiar feelings so fanservice is a check.

The ending is pretty good. Let's just say there aren't any cop-out bullshit ending in this show. If this is some kind of stealth commentary on the ME3 endings, I'm not sure.

The Bad

The voice acting is OK, the dialogue however, is atrocious. Seriously, it's very bad. At one point, an Alliance pilot yells, "Get off our lawn you dirty space turtles!" while doing a strafing run on a bunch of Krogan. I mean, really? It gets worse. 

The characters are all cheap, exaggerated stock anime personality types and are not likable. I know that an hour and a half isn't enough to make deep and compelling characters but could they have at least not made them stupid? The bad dialogue doesn't help endear them to us. Many times they drop crude jokes and say awkward things. 

The animation gets pretty bad at certain points. Characters look off-model  with James' height and size alternating compared to other characters at times. Things seem to flow weirdly and seems "wonky". While I can't put my finger on it, I can tell when something's wrong

Too many stupid things happen. If you've played the games, especially the second one, a lot of things here don't make a lick of sense and may actually contradict the lore. While I won't spoil it, let's just say it cheapens the big twist in the second game. Even if you haven't played the game a lot of the characters act stupid especially the biotic "soldier". People are reckless, people seem to act without thinking things through, etc.

There's a depressing lack of Turians in this anime.

Final Thoughts

ME:PL isn't really that good. Despite being set in a universe that's rich and expansive, it seem like some generic action storyline. I honestly do not understand why they chose to show us this crap with James Vega. Of all the possible stories, why do one with this guy of all people? Why not a story about Garrus while he was  known as "Archangel" in Omega? Even if you don't know who Garrus is, that would have been an interesting story in its own right. Why not a story about Liara, a character who's been there since the start? Why not Wrex or Mordin or Tali or any of the other more popular and interesting characters in the series. Why this galoot?  I would rather watch a two hour show of Zaeed doing nothing but reminiscing old war stories and talking to his gun like a senile old man than this.

There's stuff to keep fans interested but it's not presented very well aside from the cameos and voice work. For those "nitpicky" about the source material and lore, there is a lot to nitpick. The art quality is bad at times.

I wouldn't recommend it unless you're that big of a fan that you feel compelled to "might as well" watch it.

Merry Christmas!

Capitol Punishment

Something funny happened today.

The dear Governor of the island was suspended. Instead of following the rules and processes of our system, she did what any good Filipino politician would; throw a tantrum, do something stupid, cause drama and waste everybody's time.

She's locked herself in the Capitol building, her office I assume, and won't leave. Policemen and checkpoints were established in the area to prevent her "supporters" or dependents as I like to call them, from rallying to her and doing something equally stupid. It's just drama. No person from the province would waste time and resources to come to the city to cry about something unless they were paid and bussed in.

I don't like the Governor. I never did. I always suspected she had some kind of psychological problem. Her childish spat with the former mayor, the endless attention hogging in Sinulog, the nonstop exposure from her campaign tours "tourism programs", that episode where she put on a cape and talked to a ceramic chicken (this actually happened, don't you fucking forget that it did) and now this. This just proves to me she has the mind of a child. I wonder how our lovely little island has managed with people like this in charge.

This is tragicomic. Funny for obvious reasons but tragic in that the Governor will probably be elected as a representative in the upcoming elections anyway because...political dynasties. Still, is she gonna hole up in her office till then? They should charge admission to this freak show.

How the mighty have fallen.

Mini Madness

Normally, in MMORPG games, I don't really care about pets. Pets are tiny creatures that follow the player around. In GW2, they're called minis. They usually don't serve any purpose and even if they did, it wouldn't affect core gameplay like player versus player or dungeon crawling.

Since it's almost [Non-Denominational Winter Holiday], Guild Wars 2 released a bunch of stuff we can buy from their gem store. For those unfamiliar, the gem store is where we can purchase accessories using gems that we can buy with real money or in game gold at a certain exchange rate. It's basically just the game store's currency.

Now, I have never purchased game accessories like this ever. Not in World of Warcraft, not in Team Fortress 2, not in Dota 2, not anywhere. But there was something in GW2 that caught my eye. It was a mini of a quaggan, GW2's sort-of-mascot cutesy race wearing a Santa cap.

I can't describe it. Just looking at the damn thing made me feel like...buying it. It was so...cute? This doesn't make sense, I'm a guy who isn't supposed to find cute shit interesting yet I want one of my own. This must be some kind of trick of the eyes the 3D modellers do to make us buy stuff. I know it. This is witchcraft. I know they worship the devil. Black helicopters.

I'm off to watch a Steven Seagal movie.

Don't Make Me Call For The Priest

Breaking the Law - My Thoughts on the RH Bill

As the RH bill passed the second reading, it seems that after fourteen or so tortured years, this bill has finally come that much closer to becoming the law of the land. While the media focuses on the delicious outrage of the Catholic church and other religious groups, it does a disservice to the public who ought to know more about the garbage that Congress habitually dishes out. There's more to this issue than religion yet, the issue of whether or not "this" or "that" is a "sin" is what people get all caught up in.

I will now explain my views on why the RH bill is a load of cow dung, a waste of everyone's time and I won't even use religion to criticize it.

1. The RH Bill Has No Teeth

Quick! Tell me what's the purpose of the RH bill. Never mind because I know what you're probably going to say. The RH bill's purpose is to control population right? Well, that's wrong because there's absolutely nothing in the bill that calls for the control of the population. Go read it, I'll wait.

What the bill does basically, is give people access to reproductive health information and a wider access to contraceptives (now classified as essential medicines in hospitals). It does not make any guidelines about how many children a family should have nor does it penalize families who have "too many" children.

Check out section sixteen as a wonderful example of the dubious effectiveness and weak sissy language of the bill. The bill only "assists" families to "achieve" their desired family size in the context of "responsible parenthood" (i.e. not having more than you can handle) and recommends two children, yet, it's neither mandatory nor compulsory. In other words, it's just advice. If regular people barely follow the rules of the road and traffic signs, I'm not sure what effect mere suggestions would.

Even if they made implementing rules about what the ideal family size is and for what type of family, the RH bill specifically prohibits mandating the number of children a couple can have. They can have as many children as they want still, the only difference being that some bureaucrat  would be there to tell them beforehand that going for eleven when you make about five thousand pesos a year just might be a bad idea. Families totally listen to strangers about how to run their lives right?

That's what this all amounts to; a glorified information drive. The idea behind the bill is that if you make access to information and contraceptives easier for the common idiot then maybe, just maybe, he would stop thinking with his dick and be more smart about whose field he plows and how many seeds he sows now that he's been taught to plan ahead for once in his life. This is all wishful thinking and I find it hard to believe that people who think that this is going to control our population can be that optimistic. This is all theory. There is no guaranty that mere access to information and contraceptives will significantly change population growth absent any direct coercion from the state. Could I be wrong? Of course. But my point is that we're passing a bill on mere hope and prayer that it might have some kind of effect because the bill itself has no teeth.

If the intent of the bill was to curb population growth then this is probably the lamest, weakest way to go about it.

2. The RH Bill is a Burdensome Entitlement

Now that I've said that population control doesn't seem to be the point of the bill, what is the point then? The bill mentions in its guiding principles that we have the "freedom of informed choice". Sure. It further mentions that, "the freedom of informed choice is fundamental to the exercise of any right". Well, I guess that's true. But then the bill mentions that the "freedom to informed choice must be guaranteed by the state like the right itself". Uh oh.

You know, the word "right" is thrown about too much these days. Just because you call something a right doesn't mean you can make all sorts of demands on the state. For example, I have a right to free speech. Does that mean that the government should give me free access to a laptop with wi-fi so I can express myself online? How about free space on a newspaper? How about this: the right to assemble. If I have the right to assemble, can I demand the government give me free placards and megaphones? Can I ask a whole road be shut down or any road in the City I want,  to be shut down for that matter? There are limits and what we are entitled by way of right must be within the bounds of law or more importantly, within the bounds of reason.

Apparently reproductive health is a "right" now. I have no problem with that. People are free to buy condoms, pills or exercise any manner of natural or artificial birth control they want. The problem I have however, is that it seems that's just not enough for some people. It's now the state's job to give everyone free access to information whenever they want, to promote contraceptives as essential medicines in hospitals, "promote" (i.e license for politicians to set up free programs and handouts) reproductive health to the poor/marginalized/unfortunate/indigent/underprivileged sectors of society. Furthermore, it makes health services mandatory for  private employers to provide for FREE (more on this later). Did you know that? This all costs money. Taxpayers' money. Other people's money.

Since when is a person's sexual life the concern of another? 

I don't think "reproductive health" is a right that belongs up there with free speech, religion, press, assembly and the other classics. It's just a new-age made up piece of shit that just adds more costs to the government, taxpayer and employer all because it's a feel-good thing. Just because we call something a right doesn't mean we have to start giving things away. What do our lawmakers think this is? A first world social democracy and not a third world developing hellhole?

I'm thinking of running for the Senate. Here's my pitch:

"My fellow countrymen! I believe that every Filipino, regardless of age, gender or creed, has the freedom to informed choice and the God-given right to good oral hygiene! Therefore, if elected as your humble representative, I would propose sweeping legislation to ensure that every Filipino has free access to information on proper oral hygiene and toothbrushing techniques!

Our children, who are the future of  our great nation, shall be taught to floss in all grade levels! I will ensure that every local government unit, from the biggest city to the smallest mountain barangay, shall have adequate supplies of free toothpaste and free brushes! It shall be mandatory for all employers to provide free dental care without question! I shall encourage both private and public dentists to render teeth cleaning and tooth filling services for free or at an uncompetitive and paltry cost! But please remember, I will not actually force anyone to brush their teeth but merely encourage them to. Ultimately, it is you, my boss, my master, the people, who have all the power! Vote for me, and every smile is this great land shall be as white as the pearls from the bountiful ocean! God bless! Free!"

There, I just described how to get elected and the RH bill.

3. The RH Bill Burdens Employers

I don't expect society at large to be sympathetic to Capitalism but I think there's something wrong when the state forces private employers to subsidize the sex lives of their employees. Unlike the baby-glove treatment families get, where they're merely encouraged to exercise common sense, our lawmakers save the penalties on those oh-so-evil employers. 

It's truly disturbing that our lawmakers don't see the kind of effect this will have on society. All this will do is ramp up the costs of hiring employees which will lead to less incentive to hire. People hire people to work for money, not to get free condoms. Please leave the employment contracts to the employers and employees. Let them sort it out without the state butting in. Sure, keep minimum labor standards if you must, but for God's sake, don't put "reproductive health services" there as a baseline all because the government can't handle doing it itself.  Do they think businesses are some kind of charity? 

They always do this. They always view employers as a vehicle to handout welfare programs. When our lawmakers aren't abusing Labor Laws, they're putting the onus on our long-struggling LGUs who depend on the national government for money to fund programs that the same national government thrust upon them! 

I'm Done for Now

So that's it. I am against the RH bill because it's a weak law that lacks any forceful measure that guarantees a significant change in population levels (if that was the whole point, who knows?). It's doubtful it will achieve anything significant or anything at all, really. It's yet another wasteful entitlement program to unnecessarily burden LGUs and employers and will probably be a juicy target for corruption and abuse. It's just another opportunity for politicians to play Santa Claus with other people's money.

I really don't understand why people bitch about the corruption and inefficiency of the government and yet, continue to give it more power and responsibilities. Thankfully, it is still just a bill. Maybe those jackasses can still fix it so it won't be so bad because they did soooo well with the Cybercrime Law right? Ugh...

Maybe the world should end.

Night Crawler

Last night I had a nightmare that I died.

It was so weird dreaming about getting killed by gunfire (don't ask). The nightmare went black at the point of death and I actually feared that it actually happened. Of course, then I realized that if I really had died, I wouldn't be wondering if I died... I woke up startled.

Still, at least the world didn't end or something stupid like that.

Nostradamus

The world is going to end? Where have I heard that before?

According to the usual gang of nutters, the world will end come December 21. Why? Because the Mayan calendar ends on that day. Why the Mayan calendar in particular is held up as some kind of super magical forecaster of doom, I will never know. What's the connection? I think the Mayans are overrated, pretentious hipsters. It's just a load of crap like Y2K or all the other end of the world predictions gone past.

And just how will the world end anyway? I doubt it will be instant like the lights will suddenly go out on December 21 or something because that's just cheerful optimism. The universe is dark and cruel and the end will be agonizingly slow, drawn-out and incredibly painful just as we deserve. There is no other way. Even if, say, the sun were to go out on that day it would affect one half of the world first and then slowly, the other will perish too. Boy, that would be quiet a show.

Relax.

Heroes End

It finally happened. It finally freakin' happened. The Hitman series was finally ruined by Square Enix. Also, Manny Pacquiao lost.

So... how about that fight yesterday?

It was bound to happen yet there's shock and disbelief. What were people expecting? You can't win them all.

I don't really care for boxing. I think it's immoral and depraved. I feel like it's wrong to see people beat each other for money. At least pro-wrestling is fake but I digress. Manny Pacquiao seemed to walk right into a knockout punch like he wasn't paying attention. Either his opponent was extremely lucky or Manny was careless, either way, it was decisive. Bet you can't claim it was rigged now, eh?

How many Mexicans does it take to knock Manny out? Just Juan. (canned laughter)

But seriously though, knockouts do terrible damage to the brain. So why did he lose? Some commentators suggest Manny wasn't "hungry" anymore and his success made him complacent. Mommy Dionisia (Manny's mother) blames the pastors and attributes Manny's previous success to his Christian faith. Manny is "born again" you see. Somehow I find the former more convincing. I don't think an omnipotent and all-powerful God gives half a rat's ass about a boxing match.

The Philippine Star has an article suggesting the loss is a "national day of mourning". Excuse me? Hundreds are dead in Compostela from a huge typhoon and a boxer's loss is cause for national mourning? Come on people, get a grip. Fans online and in social media are all upset and crying. Well, if you project all your "pinoy pride" on one person, it's bound to disappoint you.

I never got the whole "I'm proud to be a Filipino because of Manny Pacquiao" thing. I mean, I just don't get it. My mind struggles to make logical connections between being proud of your collective race because of the success of an individual. Does his success imply all of us make good boxers? That cannot be true. Does it imply the drive to excel and succeed, as exemplified by him, are traits exclusive to Filipinos? That's not true either. Does that mean we "produced" a champion like Manny and therefore we should be proud of ourselves? Nah, if you recall, it took a foreigner named Roach and another foreign promoter to recognize Manny's talent. If anything, we should be proud that our poverty and wretched living conditions forced Manny to punch people for a living in the first place. Is that the point? I hope not.

My bold prediction that Manny Pacquiao will be the next President is a bit less likely now.

Pestilence and Plague

I just received a new board game today called, Pandemic. It's a four player cooperative game wherein players work together to cure four diseases ravaging the world. It seems pretty neat.

I will test it later.

Rurouni Kenshin Live Action Movie Review

 

You've read the manga and you've seen the anime series about a thousand fucking times on Studio 23, now it's time for the live action movie adaptation of Rurouni Kenshin or Samurai X! Lucky for us Filipinos, this movie is now available here for viewing if only for a week. I saw it yesterday at the earliest possible opportunity not because I'm some sort of super fan, but because I want to avoid, as much as possible, the super nerds who will no doubt be cosplaying in the theater and making "Squee!" sounds whenever something romantic happens.

The movie is historical fiction taking place in Japan right after the Japanese civil war. Himura Kenshin is a wandering swordsman, or "ronin", who used to be notorious killer "Battousai the Slasher", but has given up killing to walk the path of peace. Yeah, I know that's technically a spoiler but did you also know Snape killed Dumbledore and "Rosebud" was a sleigh? Christ, you should know this by now. 

Instead of telling you what happened, I suggest you go see it if you're a fan. Here's the quick: 

The Good

If you're a fan of the anime or the manga, you won't be disappointed. The movie here is faithful to the source material. Sure, there's very minor deviations but it's not the terrible and distracting kind.

The actors play the characters very well and convincingly I might add. The characters are exactly what you expect them to be. While all things were great, the performances of the actors playing Sanosuke and Kanryu Takeda were awesome and really stood out. I can't believe how movie!Sanosuke could be so much better than anime!Sanosuke. In the anime Sanosuke was just a boisterous brawler/jobber who, in fairness, had his moments but was always kinda... lame. In the movie, you'll whoop and cheer as you watch him swing his gigantic blade (yes they put that in) and punch people in the face. He's loads of fun. The villain Kanryu is just amazing. In the anime he was always kind of just a generic, corrupt "businessman". In the movie, he is the biggest scumbag I have ever seen. He was a slimy, no-good, loathsome weasel who had morals lower than a snake's asshole. He was so over the top, I laughed my ass off and thoroughly enjoyed watching him be evil.

The sword fights were pretty cool in retrospect. I didn't enjoy them at first but I guess my expectations were unrealistic. I was expecting Keshin to leap up in the air with wind effects while shouting, "Hiten Mitsurugi Style! Ryutsuisen!" while kanji flashed on the screen but they went the "realistic" route instead. I'm glad they did because I was stupid.

The fan service was kept at tolerable levels which is a good thing. I was worried that it was going to be over the top, like a fan service scene happens and the fans all cheer but the regular viewers would just shrug and wonder what it was all about. But really, the story is kept tight with no needless stuff taking up the time. Everything had a purpose.

The music was nice. No out-of-place crap like J-pop or stereotypical Japanese flute and shamisen. 

The Bad

If you're not a fan or don't know anything about Samurai X, you won't get a lot of enjoyment from this film. You'd probably find it good at best, average at worst.

I don't mind subtitles but did they have to make it bone white? I could hardly read it sometimes and the font size was  a bit too small. At least color it yellow or be artistic about it like Day Watch.

This is a story thing but I wish the characters Megumi and Sanosuke had at least one scene where Megumi would tease Sanosuke and stuff. I always found those little things interesting in the anime series. There should have been character interactions other than Kenshin and Kaoru.

I'm just gonna say this but although Saito was awesome in this movie, his big sword scene in the end was kinda lame. I won't say any more.

The sword fights could have been better. I know what I wanted was silly but I think that it could have been improved.

In conclusion, I enjoyed this movie and if you liked the series, you will too. It's a faithful adaptation and a lot of fun.

Watch it early and don't let inconsiderate jerks in the theater ruin it because there will be jerks.

I'm Alright

The Calm

So far, it hasn't been so bad.

I was expecting heavy rain but the rain has been light though unceasing. Maybe there was no need to worry after all. I guess it must be worse elsewhere. In about a quarter of an hour from now the storm should be below Cebu on the map and will pass at about nine tomorrow in local time. It's windy and cold. It's nice weather to sip some nice hot soup and curl up in bed. At least I have an excuse to do that now with no guilt.

I hope it stays this way through the night.

A Storm is Brewing

A typhoon is heading straight through the Philippines in a day or so. Typhoon Pablo is said to be as strong as Typhoon Ruping and has about as much water as Typhoon Sendong according to the local papers. I think its just typical media scaremongering but still, the thought of a typhoon having the combined strength of those two typhoons is frightening.

 

I have hazy memories of Typhoon Ruping. I think I was just a year old when the most devastating typhoon ever in Visayan history pierced through the heart of the Philippines. All I can remember is the terrible howling of the wind outside and the rattling and creaking of the house as if it would soon be torn from it's foundations to be blown away like many of the trees outside. I think I remember the clanking of pots and pans in the kitchen as they were tossed about from the strenth of the winds. Its telling that although I remember very little of my experiences as a child, I can still recall huddling in complete darkness as a storm raged outside.

 

Is Pablo going to be as strong as Ruping? I hope not. Will it have as much rain as Sendong? I really hope not. This house is prone to flooding. What I want to do is buy a whole bunch of sandbags to keep the water from pouring through the door. I think there's some people near the Velez bridge who dig some out from the river to sell. I'm not fully confident it will work but even if it doesn't, its worth a try. But my mother says sandbags are probably expensive. She conceded that there was nothing we could do and that we should just pray. Now, I'm no "angry atheist", but if people's reactions towards impending, foreseeable calamities is to just pray to God instead of doing actual things, its no wonder tragedies keep repeating themselves. This kind of stuff can be seen in social media and forums on websites about the typhoon but I digress.

 

Either way, this aren't looking good.

Gentleman

Something funny happened today.

 

While I was riding a jeepney, a young woman on her way out dropped her handkerchief. The man across me picked it up and called the woman's attention, who was now outside the car. After telling her she dropped her handkerchief, he just threw it at her. She couldn't catch it and it fell on the dirty road. I was laughing deep inside, I let out a snort.

 

How considerate and inconsiderate of the gentleman.

 

 

Poor Man's SWTOR

Star Wars: The Old Republic, an MMORPG on the PC, went free-to-play recently much to the rejoicing of the anti-EA, anti-Bioware crowd. Well, good news for me since I used to pay and play for it.

 

When I reinstalled it to the PC, I was warned that a lot of the features I was used to would be cut and that I would need to subscribe to get them. Fair enough but goddamn, I wasn't expecting it to be so different.

 

I thought limited access to the end game content like dungeons and PVP would be enough but apparently, I need to pay for interface options like a second action bar. How am I supposed to kick ass with just one action bar? Unlike the mouth breathers that usually infest MMOs, I actually use more than two keys. I'd like to have all options on the table. Also, I need to pay to use the titles I earned, take of my helmet in cutscenes (seriously) and a bunch of other crap.

 

I know that since its free, I'm not really entitled to anything but come on, they could stand to have kept the interface stuff. Oh well.

 

Its time to rage.

Antoine Dufour - Catching the Light

Moron Dynasties

I'd like to write more about the issue of political dynasties.

 

"The State shall guarantee equal access to opportunities for public service and prohibit political dynasties as may be defined by law." (Article 2, Section 26)

 

There are two things to look at. One is that political dynasties should be prohibited and the other, that equal access to opportunities for public service, be guaranteed. That guarantee is the aim of the prohibition.

 

In Fr. Bernas' commentary on the constitution, he explained that the subject of the article was a matter of serious debate. Commissioner Sarmiento, he recounts, rationalized the inclusion of the article as a means to widen the inclusion of competent, young and promising poor candidates to occupy positions in government. Though there were officials who ascended  into power despite "accident of birth", such cases were the exception and not the rule. The situation, Sarmiento lamented, was that many officials came from powerful clans with vast fortunes.

 

So the premise here, is that there are all these wonderful, perfectly capable and fine leaders who can't get elected because they can't compete with the lucky few who managed to crawl out of the right vagina. I believe that although this premise is easy to accept, it only just scratches the surface of a deeper problem.

 

The problem isn't just who we elect as leaders but who we are allowed to elect as leaders. I struggle to find ways to explain this but think of it this way; Imagine society divided by two. On the one hand are the regular Juans or the "masses" and on the other hand are the few rich families or elites.

 

Election day is coming and we need to field candidates. The elite of course, have all the money and means at their disposal and send out their sons, daughters and the endorsed cronies who ride on the coattails of the family names. This isn't a crime per se. People have a right to run for office after all. Now, what of the other half? Where are the leaders who rise from humble origins? Where are these mythical "competent, young and promising poor candidates"? Nowhere.

 

You may be thinking that, "Of course, we can't see them because they get steamrolled by the elite candidates who have more money and name recognition." But who's fault is that? Frankly, if all it takes to win an election is money and connections then its a damn embarrassment and its no damn surprise then that only those WITH money and connections can win.

 

What I'm trying to say is that elections should be more than just money and name recognition. It should be about ideas, about issues. But no, the other half composed of the starstruck masses can only respond to showbiz bullcrap and cash handouts. The "competent, young and promising poor candidates" don't exist not because the rich muscled them out but they don't exist because people don't want them. We don't respond to them because they're poor nobodies. We don't support them. We kill them.

 

Political dynasties only appear to be the problem but they aren't. The problem is that the path to power requires only those two things. Political dynasties only figure in because wealth and educational upbringing tend to be inherited. Rich families tend to breed rich and "smart" people. Even connections are inherited. A Mayor's or Governor's son can get a head start in knowing who's who very easily. They have an even bigger advantage this way and yet, people, critics of dynasties, see the advantages the elite enjoys as the problem instead of how these advantages hold such sway over the people.

 

Money and influence are a big advantage but when it's the only thing that's a factor in determining victory, then that's a problem. If only our civil society were as intelligent and mature as required by a democracy, political dynasties wouldn't be such a big deal. Imagine if people cared about ideas more than money. Imagine if competence and dedication were what people looked for in a leader instead of a familiar surname. Imagine if people wanted vision and leadership instead of platitudes are influence peddling. Now stop imagining and go back to reality. The elites, the dynasties, continue to have their way because we allow them to. Only they can produce the leaders we want but not the leaders we need. We need to change our standards. It's sad how winning elections requires so much yet demands so little.

 

The problem is us as usual.

Democracies and Dynasties

Americans just reelected Barack Obama for President of the United States of America. While I'm not a fan of Obama, the American people have spoken. It's going to be an interesting four years ahead.

Speaking of elections, if only ours were even half as exciting or interesting as the U.S. elections. It's not very exciting when it's the same familiar names running nor as interesting when we don't even talk about issues as Americans do. Nevertheless, with the Philippine Senate elections coming up in May of next year, a certain topic, that seems just as often recurring as the candidates themselves, has once again surfaced. The topic of "political dynasties".

It's funny that our constitution, as trite and verbose as it is, contains a section in article two that states quite bluntly that: "The State shall guarantee equal access to opportunities for public service and prohibit political dynasties as may be defined by law." (Article 2, Section 26)

 

I'm sure the problem is obvious by just reading the article. Political dynasties are prohibited by law once they are defined by law. As of this writing, Congress has yet to pass any law defining political dynasties. It's mind-boggling how our lawmakers can rush a poorly crafted cybercrime law and railroad an impeachment complaint for a Chief Justice and yet ignore an article that has been needing a law since 1987. The problem is that political dynasties infest the political landscape of the Philippines and its stupid to expect the members of these dynasties to pass a law that would undermine the nice racket they have going on.

 

What is a political dynasty?

 

A dynasty is a succession of rulers that belong to the same family. When one mentions the word "dynasty", what often comes to mind are the kings, queens and emperors of old. I think its redundant to call a dynasty "political" since we are talking of rulers and its necessarily implied.

 

What a political dynasty, in the Philippines at least, seems to mean is when public offices are occupied by members of the same family. It could be the same office occupied by family members successively. It could mean a political unit like a province with many offices that are held mostly by members of the same family. It could mean anything until we officially define it but the common thread going through this tangled web is the idea of officials, using their advantageous position and influence, to get their family members elected or appointed to positions of power. After all, article twenty six is about equal opportunities. Which is why political dynasties are seen as an evil; the reasoning being that the family of the powerful have an advantage over regular Juans who want to run for office.

 

Its disturbing how the admirable Filipino trait of "close family ties" could be turned on it's head and corrupted.

Skyfall

I saw the new James Bond movie today. It was pretty good.

So yeah.

Oppa Gangster Style

Just recently, some Koreans in Lapu-Lapu City were almost killed in a shooting allegedly masterminded by another Korean. The motive was said to be gambling debts amounting in the millions. Weeks ago, some other Koreans were busted operating illegal internet gambling rings. Many other incidents have happened in the past of Koreans misbehaving.

 

Now, I've heard people complain about those no-good Koreans. It's easy to think of them as ingrates who come here to cause trouble but are otherwise behaved in their home country.

 

Well, that's a little unfair to the Koreans who come here for good reasons like tourism or business. A better thing to do is to ask ourselves why our cities seem to be attracting the seedier types of foreign visitors. When a person travels to another country, they are usually behaved since it's only natural to be cautious in a new environent. However, recent events have shown that the criminal elements of tourists have become more brazen.

 

Instead of blaming Koreans, we should be worried about ourselves instead, specifically our society. Why is this allowed to happen in the first place? Because they think they can get away with it. With our corrupt officials, lax law enforcement, anemic justice system and an endless supply of poor people to use and abuse, this place might look like a land of opportunity for an enterprising mob boss. Hmm, I wonder if PLDT has a computer package deal for a businessman interested in putting up an illegal online sex/gambling internet cafe...

 

Face it, they fit right in.

Simcity 3000 - Magic City

Resident Evil 4: Un Forastero! (Part 2)

I guess this is where my pathetic RE series ends. I tried to get my hands on RE5 but I don't want that Windows Live bullcrap, not since Bioshock 2. RE6 is out of reach for the moment but it's good that the last one is about RE4, a truly good game that I had fun playing.

So Leon get's sent to an undisclosed part of Europe because the intel suggests that the President's daughter might be there. You know that Leon has gone up a few levels in experience since RE2 and is some sort of badass because why else would the U.S. send just one guy instead of, I dunno, Navy SEALS?

Fun Fact: While I'm no linguist, several articles claim that the "Spaniards" in RE4 speak in an incorrect Mexican accent. I hope I'm wrong.

Leon stumbles into a quaint little Pueblo where the ambushed police officer who escorted him before is being roasted over a large fire. The town is batshit crazy and as Leon discovers, the people are cannibals. By the way, the sign outside calls the village, "Pueblo". It seems the pueblo is named "Pueblo" as if it's the only "Pueblo" in the world. The church bell rings and the villagers run off. This is a hint that there's extra spooky cult stuff going on.

Leon runs into a guy named Luis. To my utmost annoyance, Leon mispronounces his name as "Lewis" instead of the Spanish pronunciation. Luis is a researcher of sorts. All the villagers are infected with mind control parasites. Who he works for and what he's doing there is not ellaborated further until later but he's just there for Leon's and the plot's convenience. Seriously, Luis is keeping the RE tradition of having NPCs appear just to move the game along, then promptly die when they've outlived their purpose. Fortunately, it's not yet that time. They get captured and Leon gets injected with the "Las Plagas" parasite, which is the "in" thing with the bioweapons crowd. Naturally, they manage to escape.

Fed up with wasting time, Leon goes back to his mission of rescuing Ashley. He defeats a lake monster but collapses in a nearby lake house from fatigue and having a large parasite injected into his neck.

Fun Fact: If you stand at the dock and shoot the lake a few times before the boss battle, "Del Lago" will pop up and kill you. I nearly pissed myself when I tried this.

Leon obtains a key to open the church where Ashley's being held. He also fights a giant along the way because why not? He tries to escape with Ashley but they run into the big bad himself, Osmund Saddler, the leader of the "Los Illuminados" cult. Wait, Osmund? They named the main villain Osmund? Anyway, Saddler makes light of the situation and just cracks jokes about how there's parasites in both their bodies. They escape from him and meet up with Luis at a small cabin. Thus begins the "cabin siege" battle of the game and this was easily one of the best if not the best part of the game.

After the battle, Leon and Luis needlessly separate. Leon's discovers his escape helicopter has been shot down. Leon has no choice but to move forward but I always found it strange that Leon seemed to go deeper and deeper into enemy territory where he and Ashley blundered into increasingly dangerous circumstances. I mean, wouldn't you rather go to a safer direction or stay put rather than make your way to a creepy looking castle infested with cultists? Leon goes for the castle anyway. He beats the village chief, Bitores Mendez, and uses his eye to get past a completely out-of-place retinal scanner that blocks the passage into the castle

As if the bullshit wasn't enough, Leon runs into the castellan, Ramon Salazar, who's a Spanish midget Napoleon. The conversations between Leon and Salazar are comedy gold. While the voice acting is alright, the dialogue is just nice and stupid.

Ashley coughs up blood and fucking runs off by herself. She gets her dumb ass captured. Leon meanwhile, meets Ada Wong, the only woman he ever loved... and they split up. Leon goes through more bullshit, fighting off tentacle dogs and invisible giant mantis things. He solves a few puzzles too because you got to have puzzles or else this won't seem like an RE game. He eventually rescues her and Luis shows up with some meds and a sample of the dominant mind-control parasite. Luis got it! You know what that means?

After Saddler impales Luis with his boner, he runs off with the sample. Leon angrily vows to avenge the death of his friend Lewis. Just to summarize, the game goes for a stretch at this point. Leon kills everyone in his path, including that little dick, Salazar. Leon runs into some guy named Jack Krauser, who's this red beret wearing muscled badass knife nut. I honestly do not know who Jack Krauser is or why they stuffed him into this game. He just seems like an enigmatic character and by enigmatic, I don't mean "interesting" enigmatic but "why-should-I-care?" enigmatic. Leon hints they have a history together but we may never know. Literally nothing is elaborated on.

Fun Fact: The giant statue sequence is the craziest thing in this entire game. A giant statue of Salazar is being built underground. This statue is several stories tall and can MOVE. It chases Leon over a narrow bridge. What were they smoking when they came up with this!? Note also that the giant statue bit where you pull levers is similar to a level in God Hand, another Capcom game. A lot of things in RE4 remind me of God Hand actually.

Leon takes the fight to the Los Illuminados' top secret pirate island base. Is the Spanish government totally oblivious? It seems cultists have taken over the countryside, a large fucking castle and a whole island. Saddler's plan was to use Ashley to get to the President but Leon put's a stop to that. They manage to get a cure and chopper evac. Mike the chopper pilot is the second best character in RE next to HUNK. He's the only chopper pilot who lasts more than a fifteen seconds in the sky before being shot down; an RE record! Remember that chopper pilot in RE2? How about in RE3? Oh, that's right, they were all chumps who can't hold a candle to Mike. Mike even manages to take a lot of bastards with him before eventually getting gunned down. Resident Evil hates chopper pilots. Rest in peace Mike, you lovable bastard.

Chopper evac ain't an option so it's time for a final boss fight. As if the developers were checking boxes on a list, the self-destruct sequence activates. Leon manages to defeat the mutated Saddler thanks to Ada dropping a rocket launcher. It's a reference to RE2, GET IT!? Leon and Ashley escape on a conveniently placed jet-ski. In a scene that reminds me of the awkwardness between Snake and Otacon's ending in Metal Gear Solid, Leon and Ashley drift for a while on the sparkling blue ocean. The President's underage daughter then asks Leon if he'd be available for some "overtime". Disgusting.

Well that's it for now.

Resident Evil 4: Un Forastero! (Part 1)

It's time to talk about the only game I liked on the damned Gamecube, Resident Evil 4! Giving what is technically the sixth game in the main series a "4" on the title is not insignificant. It's Capcom assuring us that this is indeed a Resident Evil game despite the radical departure from formula. It's like telling us that this is what the franchise is now and that there's no turning back. We should all just accept that the old and slow "survival horror" schtick is long dead and that this new "action horror" stuff is the way to go. This is what Resident Evil is now and will be for  years to come.

Leon's epilogue in RE3 mentions that he was made an offer by the U.S. government. We never knew what this mysterious offer was or whether it was a good or bad thing. Well, it turns out it was just for a freaking job. Leon went from a rookie cop with reddish-brown hair to a blonde agent of the U.S. tasked with protecting the President and his family. Is Leon Secret Service now? It's not mentioned in game. Leon is just "some kind of badass" now so let's get that pansy rookie cop image out of our heads.

The daughter of the President of the most powerful nation on Earth has been kidnapped. How this actually managed to happen isn't explained. The U.S. responds by sending just a single man, Leon, into an undisclosed nation in Europe that speaks Spanish and uses Pesetas as currency.

When I first played RE4 on the Gamecube, I was amazed on how different it was from previous RE games. I had just played the remake and zero at that time. It was new and it was fresh. Right away the player is given an over-the-shoulder view of Leon as the player controls him. There's manual aiming now with a laser pointer guiding the player and Leon's shots. This makes the game more intense as it's about as in-your-face as an RE game could get barring the first-person shooter spinoffs. The character still moves about in tank-like controls but the manual aiming and the shoulder view makes it all work somehow. Leon interacts with the environment with a simple press of a button. There's also a button that allows you to draw out your knife for quick stabs if you want to conserve ammo. Some enemies can be dispatched by using special attacks available when they're stunned which rewards carefully aimed shots to the head or vital areas. Bosses also require special actions like rapidly tapping a button when their weak spot is exposed. All in all, the combat in this game was pretty sweet and well executed.

Ammo is no longer a finite resource. Sure, you get them at fixed locations but the enemies drop extra ammo pretty regularly. You'd have to be pretty bad at games if you ever find yourself short of bullets. A new feature, which is probably my favorite, is the merchant. Ever so often, a merchant will appear at certain points of the game to sell you weapons and weapon upgrades in exchange for the pesetas and treasures you come across. He speaks in a gruff voice and refers to you as "Stranguh". Who the merchant is or why he's aiding you is never explained. He's just there. Hell, he's everywhere. He'll turn up in caves, prisons, bottomless pits and so on. It's never explained how he got there or why he knew Leon would even turn up there eventually. Just buy your gear and sell your crap. You can kill the merchant but then he'll just inexplicably turn up later with no hard feelings. You can't loot his corpse though so killing him doesn't do anything but give you a tremendous disadvantage. He's like what HUNK would be if he didn't become a mercenary and just stuck to business school.

Backtracking is kept to a minimum in this game. You return to some areas after dark but it's a linear adventure for the most part. I find that this is actually a good thing as the focus is more on action. Keeping on moving forward to the next objective fits this game. A tedium and monotony of wandering around a mansion/police station just wouldn't fit now would it? The puzzles in this game are simple and often consists of putting special shaped thing into a special shaped hole or pulling some lever or something. The objects themselves aren't hard to find.

I wasn't excited about everything in this game. At some point when the player manages to rescue Ashley, the President's daughter, he'll come across what is considered one of the banes on video games; the dreaded escort mission. At first you would probably think, "Man, this is going to suck donkey balls." But the game mercifully allows you to just hide Ashley in a dumpster while you clear the room of bad guys. Seriously. At the times when there are no convenient dumpsters to toss her in, Ashley is surprisingly adept at dodging enemy attacks. She sticks close enough to you that she doesn't get left behind or forces the player to slow down. On the rare occasion when an enemy mook gets close to her, he'll just attempt to capture her by carrying her away. This is a lot better than her getting killed or getting an instant game over because at least you still have a chance to shoot the kidnapper before she's taken to another room. She gets taken to another room and that's game over right there. What I'm saying is that the escort portions of the game were well thought out and managed to avoid being too frustrating. There's nothing quite as aggravating as losing a game by having a character you can't directly control die through it's own programmed behavior.

While RE4 was widely lauded as the best thing since chocolate sundaes, and rightly so, I did find one aspect of the game bad. Players of RE4 might not agree with me but I thought that the "quick-time events" in the games cutscenes were complete bullshit. While playing the game, sometimes a small movie plays called a cutscene. These are typically used to move the story along or to tell the player about what he has to do or what important thing just happened. RE4 somehow thought it was a good idea to allow the possibility of the player dying during a cutscene.The way it happens is that the screen will flash showing a button the player has to press. If he doesn't press the button, he dies. Game over.

But the good news is that RE4 had a totally badass Mercenaries minigame that managed to top RE3. Have a look at this video showing the combat system and the awesome minigame. It has HUNK in it!

Look, I know the game is really focused on action but come on. The reason I don't like it is because it's cheap. You're just given a few seconds to react or else you die. Compare this to say. fighting monsters with one-hit kill abilities like Dr.Salvador. At least you're given fair warning like his chainsaw noise. At least you're given a chance to evade him. At least you're given a chance to use your weapons to actually fight him. But no, in a cutscene, you're reduced to just just pressing a damn button to live no matter how many bosses you've killed or what awesome weapons you bought from your pal, the Merchant. There's just no sport in it. It's cheap.

In summation, RE4 was a breath of fresh air to a stale series. The gameplay was more action orient with over-the-shoulder camera and  aimed shots.The combat was excellent and felt very fluid and natural. Many of it's features were well thought out.

I still think the QTE feature was cheap though.

Resident Evil 0: Rebecca Tries Not To Be Useless

At this point, the whole Resident Evil thing was running out of ideas. I mean, they already obliterated the damn city and gone to the Antarctic. How can we use the fifth installment to take the series into a whole new direction? Wait! Better idea; let's do a prequel instead and we'll have dumbass Rebecca and some completely new guy we never heard of as our characters.

The narrator sounds really bored but he sums the game up pretty nicely. In this game we cover the important events before Resident Evil and the origins of Umbrella and the T-virus. I don't like this idea because I don't find it necessary at all. Who cares about Umbrella's history or the T-virus for that matter? We know the city is already obliterated. Do we really need to go back and make up a bunch of complicated crap? I don't like to sound so negative but the story in RE0 is so bizarre. It involves leeches, creepy old men and rabid monkeys.

As we see in the intro, we finally discover the reason why Bravo team crashed. They had "engine failure". Why? Don't ask. That's as good as it gets. It's also an amazing coincidence that the Bravo team crashed near two important areas namely: the train car and the group dead soldiers. They crashed into the plot and I pity them.

Resident Evil: 0 was a Gamecube release in 2002. It was the last RE to use the old style of fixed angles and tanky third-person controls. The main gimmick of the game is that you control two characters: Rebecca Chambers and Billy Coen. They can travel together sometimes and then split up to do some puzzles. Billy's the more competent fighter and can take many hits. Rebecca can solve puzzles and shit that's too complicated for a meathead like Billy and fit through small spaces he can't. You know, it's the typical mild sexism you find in video games. Billy is strong enough to push boxes but since he's a man, he's obviously too stupid do the "smart" stuff. I know Rebecca's a chemist but poor Billy can't even mix basic healing herbs; a skill that literally every RE character ever made has.

There are also no item boxes. You take or drop items at locations. This ties in to the puzzle system it has with two characters exploring different areas. I guess it would be too easy if it used the magic teleporting item boxes the other games had. The graphics are also very nice and continues the style of the RE remake also on the Gamecube. This is a real pretty RE game.

The story takes place in an abandoned train car called The Ecliptic Express. It seems the Bravo team stumbled upon a ruined army car, discover that a highly dangerous felon had escaped and decided that splitting up would be a good idea. Rebecca ends up in the train car and meets Billy. At first, Rebecca doesn't trust a guy who was recently institutionalized and may have committed twenty three murders. But after the poop hits the fan and the Bravo Team members bite the dust, they team up to fight monsters.

Fun Fact: Billy's tattoo appears to spell out "Mother Love".

One annoying thing I must mention is the leech zombies. These guys have rubbery arms that attack considerable distances and make life hell for the player. They take quite a bit of ammo to take down. The best weapon to use against them are molotov cocktails since the leeches are weak against fire. You encounter them often and they even have their own scary music. It's annoying.

Billy saves Rebecca from the leeches and even manages to fight off a giant scorpion that just appeared from nowhere. The train suddenly moves and it all seems suspicious. There a creepy guy in white who has his own creepy choir music. The train leads to a secret Umbrella facility... my, what a coincidence.

The underground facility is a training center for the evil scientists of tomorrow.  The facility is full of zombies now. You learn that the facility was once headed by a man named James Marcus, who resembles the first leech zombie Rebecca fought against. Oh, and Wesker and William Birkin are here too! Rebecca and Billy don't know it but Wesker and William are watching them through security monitors. I always suspected Wesker and William were gay. The man in white appears in front of the camera and tells them that he's gonna get 'em because he wants revenge.

Look, if it's the bizarre story you want, here's the summary. In the facility it's discovered that Billy killed a bunch of starving Africans based on false information and he totally didn't mean to machine gun them down with brutal efficiency. 

Fun Fact: Umbrella mercs are usually composed of wanted men like Billy who are given a "second chance". No need to guess where that military transport was headed.

They discover that that James Marcus, Ozwell E. Spencer and Edward Ashford, discovered the first virus, aptly called the Progenitor virus. Combined with the Ebola virus, it created a strain that, caused stuff to mutate but be sensitive to light. When Ashford died, Spencer and Marcus decided to abandon his plans to create regenerative medicines for disabled people to make bio-weapons instead. Wow, what assholes. They used leech DNA and made the T-virus.

Fun Fact: The hunters in RE are revealed to have come from the facility in Zero.

Billy fights a giant bat, is attacked by a mutant monkey (yeah, really) and becomes lost inside an underground laboratory. While searching for him, Rebecca meets up with her commander Enrico Marini, fights a released Tyrant and stumbles onto Billy. They fight the Tyrant together and eventually meet big bad Marcus. Marcus, as it turns out, was behind the outbreak on the train and in the Arklay mansion. William and Birkin didn't even know what happened. Thanks to some experiments, he is leeches now. That's the only way I can describe it. He is made of leeches who hold all his memories and consciousness or whatever, and Rebecca and Billy want to get the fudge out of there.

He becomes "The Queen Leech" final boss and in true RE tradition, a self-destruct sequence is initiated by William. Rebecca and Billy make it out alive despite all hardships and adversity. Rebecca is so grateful to Billy, the felon, that she never mentions him to Chris, the police or anyone else for that matter. In fact, the whole incident in the facility wasn't revealed by her either. Maybe Rebecca had amnesia or something from huffing too many green herbs. Billy is never mentioned again and Rebecca transforms into a useless piece of crap later when RE takes place.

 

What is it with crap one-liners and magnums? Hey, Queenie! You want STARS? Feast on this! Why would Billy call the boss "Queenie"? Did he know it was called "Queen Leech"? That's some fourth wall bullcrap right there.

Thankfully, at this point, we are done with the T and G virus shenanigans.

Resident Evil CODE: Veronica: Twincest Wincest

It's the fourth installment of the RE series and they dropped the number!


The game stars Claire Redfield. You remember her don't you? She's still looking for her brother Chris. You know, I find it hard to believe Chris wouldn't get in touch with her instead. Anyway, it seems Claire took some lessons in John Woo gunfighting because I don't remember her being that badass back in 2. She gets her dumb ass captured in Umbrella's Paris facility and they ship her to Rockfort Island, wherever the hell that is.

To be honest, this is the Resident Evil game that I missed. I didn't own a Dreamcast and I got my PS2 late and missed this. Nevertheless, I took the time to watch playthrough videos on YouTube. Right away I noticed something weird about the game's background. RECV, as it turns out, uses 3D backgrounds instead of the pre-rendered stuff in the games prior. The advantage of this is that the background can change in real time. The background can react to changes of lighting for example or other gameplay effects like background damage. I didn't notice though. The camera angles are still either fixed in position or on a fixed angle.

They kept the 180 degree turn and drum barrels from 3 but left out the Live Selection feature and ammo crafting. There's no dodging either. Despite seeming like a step backwards, there are new features like dual wielding pistols wherein they lock onto two targets and you can now use green herbs right away instead of picking them. So yeah, it's kind of lame but it's not terrible.

There's a minigame called Battle Game wherein you choose different characters and fight through rooms of enemies to battle a character specific boss. Yeah, no. This minigame can't compare to Mad Jackal from 3. It's just my opinion based on what I've seen.

The story of RECV is the weirdest ever. So Claire gets captured by this guard named Rodrigo Raval. While on Rockfort Island, an air raid conveniently wipes out the population and releases a T-virus outbreak. Rodrigo let's Claire out because he's the only Umbrella employee with a conscience. Claire tries to escape but runs into a young man named Steve Burnside.

Oh boy, let me tell you about Steve. I knew he was going to be the fanservice character and love interest for Claire and all but I didn't know he was this obnoxious. The second I saw him, I hated him already. It doesn't help that he has the most atrocious voice acting I have ever heard. At least the voice acting in RE1 had a campy charm to it but Steve's voice is like a pencil being shoved into my ear.


Anyway, Steve tells Claire to shove off since She'd only "slow him down". In an island full of monsters, this idiot refuses to stick together because he has trust issues. Whatever. It's strange though how Claire and Steve are wearing civilian attire while the prisoner zombies are wearing uniforms. Claire eventually manages to find a computer to send a message out to Leon to tell Chris where she is. If she knew Leon and Leon knew where Chris was, why'd she go out and get herself captured looking for Chris? While sending the message, Steve throws a tantrum and says Chris won't come because people will just let you down. Jesus Christ, what an annoying, angsty piece of shit.

Claire and Steve find a spooky mansion at the other side of the island that is inhabited by the island's insane commander, Alfred Ashford. Claire solves a bunch of puzzles while Steve wanders off to be a useless asshole. Alfred is an insane man wearing an old tin soldier-type military uniform. He tries to kill Claire several times but has such terrible aim, he might as well be blind. His voice acting is just as bad as Steve's. Here's a clip of Alfred setting a trap for Claire.


Steve rescues her. They become friends but Steve can't get over his issues etcetera. You know how this goes. After playing Alfred and his twin sister Alexia's little games, they escape on a plane but the plane only goes to the Umbrella base in the Antarctic. Steve manages to wound Alfred. It's at this point that it's revealed that Alfred "really likes" his sister Alexia and that Alexia froze herself to do some kind of experiment. Alfred was crossdressing as his sister the whole damn time. I swear, this is some crazy shit. Alfred dies but Alexia wakes up and she has super powers. Shit. Claire and Steve are now trapped.

The Ashford twins are the children of Alexander Ashford, one of the founders of Umbrella. He's their "father" insofar as he created them from the DNA of the Ashford matriarch, Veronica, and his own. The twins were too crazy and killed him. Alexia was some kind of super genius who graduated college at ten and was obsessed with the T-Veronica virus. Whatever. The less backstory we go into, the better.

Meanwhile, Chris arrives in Rockfort after receiving the message. He's still wearing his STARS uniform for some reason despite being in hiding. He encounters his old pal, Wesker who just happened to be there! Talk of Wesker's death had been grossly exaggerated. Worse, he has super strength and speed now. Wesker really has come along hasn't he? He's gone from a cop in a small garbage town to an asshole with superpowers. His sunglasses were just hiding his mutant glowing eyes of doom. Does this mean Wesker had superpowers in RE1? Maybe not but still...


Wesker's agenda is Alexia and her research. Chris just wants to save his sister. He goes to Antartica on the trail. I'm surprised that Claire, Steve and Chris last quite a while in those clothes with the freezing temperatures. Steve turns into a monster and dies. Good. While being a monster, Steve gains his consciousness and saves Claire. He dies as himself and confesses his love. Moving on...

Chris manages to defeat the mutant Alexia with a conveniently placed "Linear Launcher" or in other words, a freaking plasma rifle. Long story short, they escape from Alexia and Wesker and they can put this whole "incest with your twin" thing in the past. Wesker gets a sample of whatever the hell he went there for. He's all about samples.

I should play this game...or on second thought, maybe not.

Resident Evil 3: I'll Give You Stars!

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis is the action packed third installment in the RE series. You play as Jill Valentine as she makes her "last escape" from the monster infested Raccoon City at the height of the T-virus outbreak. All this while being hounded by a deadly new enemy.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis main gimmick is that there's this big, bad mofo who spends the entire game hunting STARS members (you) down. His (or its?) name is Nemesis and he isn't your average slow moving "Tyrant" monster. Oh no. He runs; way faster than you can. He deals a ton of damage and that's even when he's not using his rocket launcher. That's right, he can fire rockets at you. If that isn't enough, he appears frequently, often in narrow corridors and at the worst possible times. When you hear a bowel-evacuatingly terrible growl or a raspy "STARS!", start running.

There's also this feature called "Live Selection Mode" where at certain points in the game, you are presented with two different courses of action. For example, when first encountering Nemesis, you can either fight the monster(lol) or run into the police station. Failing to choose can sometimes lead to a third option. The story progresses differently depending on the choices. Some parts of the story are also altered depending on which locations you visit first. This prevents the game from seeming too mind-numbingly linear.

There are also many little features that streamline the RE playstyle. Jill can now turn 180 degrees immediately by pressing DOWN+X. This is a godsend. Before, characters had to very slowly and awkwardly turn sideways then back before they can run from the freaking monster lizard that can decapitate you in one blow! Also, Jill can dodge attacks by pressing aim at the right moment before a monster's attack connects. Truth be told, I've never been able to master this technique but during the times when it worked, it was awesome. I remember dodging one of Nemesis' rockets completely by accident. Proper dodging can help minimize the damage Jill takes because she can't take much.

You can also craft your own ammunition by mixing gunpowder and using a reloading tool. Of course, making ammo in real life isn't as easy as mixing "powder AA" and "powder B" to create magical "enhanced" shotgun shells or any of the convoluted formulas in the game, but it was a nice feature to have. There's nothing like having all the magnum ammo you need just by being smart about it. This is the first RE game that makes use of the environment to harm your foes. Granted, it was often just a simple, stereotypical red explosive barrel but you take what you can get. There was also minor item randomization but it just made things inconvenient rather than hard.

Lastly, it had a sweet minigame called, "The Mercenaries- Operation: Mad Jackal" which sounded badass. You play as three mercenary characters, who actually appeared in game, and fight through the city to reach a finish location. You have a time limit and you can earn more time by killing enemies fast. It was loads of fun. The improvements on the gameplay were very good and I think I played three the most out of all the Playstation RE games. Now we get to the story.

As you can hear from the opening movie, Jill laments the fact that nobody took her story about zombies and man-eating plants in a mansion in the middle of nowhere seriously. To be fair, Umbrella suppressed all the information. Umbrella is behind everything and can do anything they want. We should just accept this at this point.

Jill knows what's going to happen so she readies herself to make her bold "last escape" out of town. In the game, Jill is a badass survivor but she certainly doesn't look like one.

What the hell is she wearing? That skimpy outfit offers no protection whatsoever. Even the lowliest zombie can claw and bite Jill's exposed neck with no problem. It also doesn't appear to offer any protection against the elements. It can get pretty cold running around the dead city with no shelter, heat or electricity. She's not carrying any bags or containers and appears to have no supplies to last her for a few days. I understand the need for fanservice but come on, make a little sense. At least she's wearing boots and not combat stilettos or some stupid shit like that.

So Jill's making her way through the alleyways right? Guess who she runs into. She runs into Brad Vickers, everyone's favorite dirty coward from the first game. What a coincidence! She follows him into a bar and rescues him from a zombie. Jill stupidly whines about how nobody's doing anything to stop this. Brad tells Jill that they're both going to die because "it's" coming for them. Jill asks Brad what the hell he's talking about. Because Brad is generally an unhelpful piece of crap, he only responds with a cryptic "You'll see." and remarks how "it's" after STARS members and that there's no escape. What a downer. Oh, and Brad runs off all alone into the zombie infested city instead of sticking together. What a dumbass.



After mucking around a bit, Jill needs her lockpicks. She is the master of unlocking you know. She left them in the police station so she makes her way there. Then this happens.

Fun Fact: RE3 takes place hours before RE2 and not after.



Nemesis appears and gives Brad what was long coming to him. The first Live Selection happens here. I chose to run into the station like a pansy the first time. There's no way I'm fighting Nemesis with a measly handful of shotgun rounds and a pea shooter.

Fun Fact: If you go for the secret key in RE2, you fight zombie Brad in front of the station. It all makes sense now!

While in the station, she gets a transmission from an Umbrella merc named Carlos. Later on, Jill finds many Umbrella merc corpses lying around the city. They're all part of the Umbrella Biohazard Countermeasures Service. What are they doing there? I dunno but I'm sure they're there to rescue the children and spread love and peace and have no hidden motives whatsoever. Jill meets Carlos in a restaurant. Carlos is an awkward, Hispanic, wannabe-suave guy who tells Jill that the totally pure and honest Umbrella Corporation sent them there to rescue civilians. Somehow, Jill isn't convinced. Look out! Nemesis attacks! Seriously, it's tiring to mention how many times Nemesis appears to ambush you so just assume Nemesis attacks Jill in between paragraphs.

Jill runs around the city some more and solves a bunch of puzzles like putting gems into sockets to enter City Hall and whatever. Raccoon City is full of puzzles it seems. Even their gas stations have puzzles. Not once does Jill enter a bathroom in this game.

Fun Fact: The game hints that Mayor Michael Warren made deals with Umbrella to help build the city's infrastructure. This sort of explains why there seems to be a hidden lab behind every damn thing.

Jill meets up with what's left of Carlos' unit; a wounded Russian badass named Mikhail and their Russian commanding officer named Nicholai. They're all hiding out in a cable car. Nicholai asks Jill how she managed to survive despite her ridiculous outfit. Jill responds that she's "no ordinary civvie" and that she's a STARS member. Who writes this dialogue? Anyway, the cable car is broke and needs spare parts so you're off on a damn fetch quest. Oh, and nobody goes with you. Apparently nobody sticks together in this game.

After getting all the parts, the cable car is ready to go. The cable car leads to the clock tower which is the evac point for Carlos' team. However, like a bad case of Gonorrhea, Nemesis turns up again to derail(ba dum tsh) their plans. Mikhail, a man who's almost as badass as HUNK(almost), decides to go out guns blazing. He sacrifices himself to let the others escape. What a bro.



Jill makes it to the clock tower with Carlos. They think Nicholai is dead by the way. They need to turn on the lights to signal the chopper so you gotta solve more puzzles to do that. Didn't anybody have the sense to bring flares? Anyway, they signal the chopper and the funniest scene in the game happens.



The first time I saw this I laughed my ass off. The music sounded so happy! Take a look at Jill's face as the chopper explodes! Watch her clasp her head in despair then look at Nemesis putting on his best trolling face!

Fun Fact: Whenever any character in RE says "It's finally over!" or any variation of that phrase, nine times out of ten it isn't.

Jill fights off Nemesis but gets infected with the T-virus for the first time despite battling monsters for two whole games. She is unconscious for two days and it's up to Carlos to save her. How Jill managed to not turn into a zombie for two days is awfully convenient. I guess the virus does whatever the plot requires. The hospital that is conveniently nearby might have a solution so Carlos heads there. We take control of Carlos at this point.

Carlos runs into Nicholai in the hospital doing some suspicious shit like killing another UBCS member. Nicholai mentions that he is part of "The Supervisors" and aims his gun at Carlos. The dying UBCS member pulls the pin off his grenade to spite Nicholai and Carlos uses this to escape. He wanders around the hospital for a bit and somehow stumbles on to instructions on how create a T-virus vaccine. How convenient. How a dumbass like Carlos ever managed to find a cure for Jill I'll never know.

Fun Fact: Vaccines don't cure diseases but merely prevents them. The T-virus vaccine also shares the characteristic of the virus by doing what the plot demands.

Carlos gives Jill the vaccine and it takes effect immediately! Jill wakes up and Carlos is so glad, he forgot his Hispanic accent. Carlos warns Jill about Nicholai and then...runs off by himself to "take care of some things".

Blah, blah, blah, skip, skip ,skip. Jill fights a giant grave worm. Blah, blah, blah. She follows Nicholai and wanders into an abandoned factory where the ending conveniently takes place. Umbrella is covering it's tracks and the clues lead to the abandoned factory. It's a secret laboratory! Jill blunders into a trash room and has to fight Nemesis. She manages to melt Nemesis with acid and the game pretends that this is the last time you'll see of him.

Suddenly, the communications tower detects incoming missiles. The Government is gonna burn Raccoon City to the ground. Nicholai escapes on a helicopter while twirling his mustache. Jill desperately scans radio frequencies for help when a familiar voice calls out to her. She's got chopper evac now and she needs to get to the scrapyard. However, there's one last obstacle in her path. Nemesis' melted corpse descends for one last showdown. Conveniently, there a large FREAKING RAIL GUN in the room which you can use to defeat him. Neat!



Fun Fact: The rail gun called "Paracelsus' Sword" was an experimental device developed by the U.S. government to fight bioweapons. How it ended up there in a room full of dead soldiers and tyrants is never explained. They should have named it "Deus Ex Machina".

After a million hits from a rail gun, Jill takes out a magnum and unloads on poor Nemesis. She gives a stupid one liner, "STARS? I'll give you stars!" and finishes him off. They escape on a helicopter piloted by, if the special ending is to be believed, BARRY BURTON. They escape and Raccoon City is wiped off the face of the Earth.

The game features multiple epilogues on different characters for story purposes. It's not clear if Nicholai officially survived but I'd like to believe he did.

I guess that closes the book on Raccoon City. With Raccoon City gone, I guess the series is over.

I mean, it's not like they can move the story to Spain or something, right?