Trying

There are never enough hours in a day.

Morissey - Everyday Is Like Sunday

The Ingrown

A pain on my right big toe had been nagging at me for months. Like many bad things in life, pretending it doesn't exist won't make it go away. Eventually the side of my toe had deformed to such an extent that I developed a blister since my flesh was rubbing against my shoe. There was a shooting pain from the tip of my toe to the base.

I decided to see a doctor. Based on the pictures I sent him beforehand, he told me that it looked like a severe case of an ingrown toenail and that surgery would be best. I wished it was a wart instead or something minor. I suggested he examine in it person first before recommending action. He scheduled an examination inside the minor operating room of the hospital. I guess he was that sure of the diagnosis.

On the day of the appointment, he barely had to look at it for five seconds before concluding that it was an ingrown toenail. I had two choices: surgery or antibiotics. I asked the doctor what good antibiotics would do since it won't exactly solve the problem. He shrugged. I love non-options. The illusion of choice can be very comforting. Surgery it was.

I had to put a gown over my clothes and a shower-cap. Since the nurses manning the operating room had nothing better to do, they began to crowd around. I told the doctor to keep the helping hands to a minimum. I'm no lab rat.

I lay down on the hospital bed and had them put the tray in such a manner as to block my view of my foot. I don't think I can stand seeing my flesh opened even if there was anesthetic. Speaking of which, the application of anesthesia was the only painful part. They brought out a cartoonishly large syringe with a long needle to match. He stuck it in a place I won't mention. It stung like hell. After a while, I couldn't feel a thing, at least, until he began to work. I felt him poking and prodding so I said, "Doc, it's not enough!" So he decided to stick the needle in and inject a little more anesthetic. For God's sake.

It went by quickly, I was unusually chatty. I tend to get chatty when I'm under the knife. I remember being operated on years before. I was a blabbermouth in the operating room. I bet they were relieved when the knock-out gas kicked in.

You have to cut all the way to the nail bed in surgery for an ingrown toenail. After he tugged on some things, he showed me the bit that was digging into my flesh. It looked like a shard of glass. 

So he wrapped it up, I paid the fees and bought the medicines and that was it. The toe needed to be wrapped up when I take a bath so the doctor recommended that I buy condoms to wrap my toe in. I felt the need to inform the pharmacist that I needed the condom for my feet. I'm not sure what she made of that.

I'm just going to let my toenails grow out from now on.

The Power of Negative Thinking

Recently, our house and lot was sold and I and my mother had to move to a new place of our own. Naturally, the process has been difficult. It's so tedious to take stock of all the useless crap one has accumulated over the years and figuring out where to put them. 

Of course, there's the emotional difficulties to consider. When one lives at a place for all his life, he develops emotional attachments to said place, fond memories and all that. I took several pictures of our old house for posterity and my mother refused to see them because it was too "heartbreaking." I guess it's harder for someone who spent a longer time there. As for me, I'm well into getting over it and I attribute my easy adjustment to the power of negative thinking.

I'm told, constantly, by my mother, family and society to "think positive". I try, I really do. I try really hard but thinking negative just comes natural to me. I know it's very detrimental to be a negative Nancy but it does have its uses. For example, instead of focusing on happy thoughts about our old house such as the open space, the shade of the trees, the picnics I had as a child on our front lawn, etc., I focused on the negative aspects. I thought of how dirty and dusty it was. I thought of how unbearably hot it got during the summer months. I focus on the rusty roofs, the termite infestation and the general dilapidation of the structure. I thought of how far it was to everything. I thought of all the bad things so much that moving to a our new smaller place seemed more and more appealing. Eventually, I couldn't wait to leave the old dump! 

Being negative can be made into a positive. Hatred, disgust and loathing are perfectly normal human emotions. All can be useful if channeled to correct thought and action.

Hey, people cope in different ways.

Counting Crows - Big Yellow Taxi

Philippine Democrazy: The First Layer

Our history books typically divide Philippine history by periods of colonization. When it comes to the American period, there's always a bit about their contributions to Filipino society. Aside from the Thomasites and their legacy of education, the books typically proclaim, almost proudly, that the greatest gift Uncle Sam ever gave to his little brown brother was the gift of democracy.

Getting over the notion that democracy is a supreme good is a difficult step on the road to understanding what makes this society tick. Filipinos are taught that democracy is sacrosanct, noble and all other flowery adjectives you can think of. Here's the thing: democracy isn't perfect. In fact, there's plenty of things wrong with it. Once you disabuse yourself of the delusions and examine the system carefully, you can begin to determine which pieces of the machine are causing problems and, hopefully, how it might be fixed.

This is going to sound brutal but democracy has its work cut out for it in the Philippines for two reasons. Firstly, the vast majority of Filipinos are stupid. Secondly, the population is not united in one identity and is instead subdivided into several special interests that compete with each other for scant resources. Since we're dealing with the whole body politic, let's call this the first layer.

On the first issue, the average Filipino is quite dumb. This is not his fault; circumstances are what they are. Perhaps, dumb and stupid are too harsh terms. "Politically unsophisticated" might be better. The average Filipino does not understand how his government works and what is demanded of him to make it work. He cannot be trusted to make intelligent choices neither for his own life nor for the good of broader society. Chances are he'll just sit back making more babies and wondering why the government won't give him more free money to support them. A good leader can never arise from this part of society. A mango tree cannot bear an apple. Perhaps the worst belief our society has is that if you this large group of dumb people together; they'll start acting smart. That's simply not true. Misplaced idealists often think that the Philippines is collectively what the Filipino is not individually. Hence, our politicians often promise European levels of welfare in a country that can barely print driver's licenses.

On the second issue, I've written about this before. Filipinos are not one collective. They are divided by religion, culture, geography, language and blood. On the city level, they are also divided by interests according to several other factors such as economic wealth, political allegiances and patronage. Democracy is at heart a numbers game. He who can bring up the numbers wins. Guess what's the largest group of voters in the country. Poor dumb people. Dependent. Easily manipulated. Again, they cannot be trusted to make the best choice so instead they will vote based on simple greed. Who can make the goodies flow at the expense of the other? The good of the whole is often ignored in order to cater to the most numerous or the most organized. You might think that this is not necessarily bad since the interests of a large part of society is catered to. Is that not the point of democracy? That's true but again, do the stupids really know what's best for them? They cannot be trusted to make the most intelligent decisions. They cannot be trusted, period.

Here's a question: Does the average Filipino really care if a politician is corrupt as long as said politician is feeding them their daily bread? Think about that. Let it stew. Weep.

Sometimes they aren't even motivated by selfish interests. Sometimes, the people seem to act at random. How can you explain the election of President Estrada, a know-nothing actor? The almost-victory of Fernando Poe? How about the persistence of the Marcoses and other martial law era crocodiles? How about you point to your local idiot kleptocrat and wonder how he even got there?

The sad fact is this: the Philippines is a tyranny of the stupid.

However, this was foreseen by our forebears and measures were taken. Our salvation does not lie with the people at large so let us leave the first layer. Obviously, pure democracy would be a disaster. Fortunately, our democracy has a fail-safe. The vast unwashed don't directly control government. Instead, the system works through representatives elected by the people. By necessity, these representatives would have some process of vetting to ensure some standard of quality. Perhaps through republicanism, the worst could be filtered out and the morons could only pick from the most qualified among them. 

Perhaps.

Next time, let's examine the representatives - the second layer.

Election Retrospective

If there's one thing I find amazing about the Duterte administration, it's that the problem of drugs in this country has been exposed like termites in a dying tree's trunk. It seems that everyone is either an addict, a dealer or a drug lord. If I threw a stone in a random direction, I'd probably hit a junkie at this point.

Before Duterte campaigned for the presidency, drugs were hardly an issue. People knew the problem existed but it was never really talked about. Come to think of it, the presidential candidates hardly talked about anything of substance. It was just the usual platitudes and bromides until this foul-mouthed grandpa from Davao walked into the scene.

That's why he won. He campaigned on an actual issue. Illegal drugs was something common folk could understand. Then all of a sudden Duterte was the "law and order" candidate. Can you remember what kind of candidates the others were? How about our old pal Mar Roxas? I remember him as the "everything is fine" candidate for the status quo. I'm sure all anyone else remembers him is as "that yellow guy". 

He took an issue and he owned it. It also helped that he proposed the radical solution of just shooting people dead to solve our problems. How can the other prim and proper "serious" candidates even match that? It's so dumb that it's genius. Even the stupidest Filipino can understand "shoot the baddies". Try explaining criminal justice system reform to the average Filipino and you'd be lucky if he stays awake.

The same thing happened in America, coincidentally. The whole thing was boring until some loudmouth came along and grabbed an issue a lot of people cared about but none of the other candidates dared to bring up. It was utterly bizarre to me watching American presidential hopefuls concede the issue of immigration to Trump without a fight. It turns out it mattered to a lot of people. He even had his own radical solution of building a big beautiful wall to keep illegal aliens out. Just like Duterte, Trump seemingly came out of nowhere, left his opponents befuddled and in the dust and actually won the damn race.

The takeaway here is that politics tends to become bland and stale. It's all talk about safe stuff nobody really cares about. Then someone comes along and manages to give voice to something everyone is thinking but can't seem to say anything about it; a charismatic who grasps the zeitgeist and rides it to victory.

It's something to think about.