Vampire Knight

I decided to relax a little and spend some free time to write that review on Vampire Knight so I decided to watch it. I wish I hadn't because watching this stupid anime almost made me forget every single thing I've learned. I swear, it scrambled my brain so bad, I woke up in the kitchen the next morning. I don't know why.

So let's get to it.

Vampire Knight is an anime about vampires. Yup. This is a shoujo anime and for those of you who are fortunate not to know what that means, its an anime catered to girls. Young women to be exact. Shoujo anime tends to be stupid so I thought I would get some perverse giggles and shits but all I got was a damned headache.

The story takes place in Cross Academy but its no ordinary school. There's a Day Class and a Night Class. The Day Class seem to consist of nothing but fangirls. The Night Class however are all incredibly attractive vampires complete with sparkles and shit. The Day Class (ALL of them) have the hots for the night class. There are just two prefects apparently that protect the Day Class from the Night Class and they're our main characters of the story.

If I may digress for a moment, I'd like to point out how stupid this is. I mean, its established and constantly mentioned that vampires are a threat to the ordinary muggles so then, why even have a Day Class? What's the point of having both humans and vampires hanging around the same academy? Why not just have an academy exclusively for vampires and have the humans study elsewhere? My friend told me that he read the manga and that it explains later on that the humans are trained to fight vampires. Its never mentioned in the show and I don't give a shit about the manga. Although I forgive him for reading the manga, that explanation only makes it worse. If the humans are being trained to fight vampires then don't you think they would be taught what a vampire is and how to spot them? Wouldn't they probably instantly suspect the "Night Class" then and maybe fight them? Does the school want conflict or something? Well, as I'll explain later, conflict drives this anime...pointless and ultimately boring conflict but hey, a theme is a theme.

Yuki is the main character and self-insert sue for the female audience. In a flashback, she's attacked by a vampire, one of the mean, beast-looking ones and not the sexy sparkle ones. She's saved by a young vampire named Kaname who is also a major character in the story being a "pure blood" vampire and leader of the Night Class. Oh yeah, and there's some shmuck named Zero who angsts a lot. Here's a picture of him smiling.

Zero is not only appropriately named but he comes from a clan of vampire hunters who were killed by vampires. I guess they weren't very good at vampire hunting. As expected, he hates vampires and thus hates his job which involves being near vampires, which he hates. He hates vampires. He hates Kaname because Kaname is a vampire who is also an important figure in the Night Class which is composed of vampires and he hates them. While he's not hating, Zero is angsting because Zero is a vampire himself. He angsts about being a vampire because being a vampire sucks(lol) for him because he is a vampire hunter. Irony, get it? GET IT? Angst. Angst. Angst. At one point he contemplates shooting himself with his anti-vampire gun because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS. Also, he's hungry for Yuki's blood and only hers apparently.

Maybe I should get to the story. Well, there isn't any. I know eventually there's some big deal about Zero's evil twin and the vampire countess that bit him coming out of nowhere or something. That doesn't really matter. The main plot is sidetracked by this huge love triangle between Yuki, Zero and Kaname. Its this conflict and drama that take up much of the time. You see, Zero eventually bites Yuki because of DA HUNGR and Yuki willingly consents to it because she...cares for him? I guess she does. Biting is referred to almost like sex by the way, so yeah. Kaname is upset at what Zero did so I guess Kaname feels strongly towards Yuki? Maybe. I mean, Kaname talks shit to Zero but he doesn't do anything. He claims he wont kill Zero because it might upset Yuki so he allows Zero to bite her on a regular basis? I guess he's OK with that. What pansies, both of them. Yuki has feelings for both guys but don't hold your breath on her making some kind of declaration. Also, there's tension between Kaname and Zero too but you need to have a twisted mind to see it.

This is Vampire Knight in a nutshell. It's a sappy anime made for girls featuring vampires and a love triangle that goes on and on and on. The love triangle seems pointless. Nothing really happens when you think about it. There's no actual sex or anything. The episodes just keep going on milking the drama for all its worth. The sexual tension gets really high and I can see how women would find this appealing. It's just like Twilight. Nobody ever talks about the fucking PLOT in Twilight (If there even is one) but instead talk about Team Eddie Gordo or Team Jake "the Snake" Roberts. The thrill is in the drama and tension. I can't say the build up made sense in Vampire Knight though. It seems near the end the anime grudgingly decides to pursue the "serious" story about Zero confronting the countess and his twin. Honestly I can't even remember how it went. All I know is that when Zero confronts his twin, the anime throws in some incestuous subtexts in there just because and as an apology for the fangirls.

So in conclusion, this anime is all about the love triangle. The story is full of sexual tension that may be well made but ultimately doesn't go THAT far. Unfortunately, nobody rapes anyone. It is made perfectly for the female "Twilight" audience. Why did I even watch this?

My head is caving in.

Complaining About Books I Don't Read

I was going to watch Ninja Assassin today but changed my mind since the cinema was crowded. The ticket lines were long as was the line to the cinemas. It formed a ring around the floor of the mall. It was full of people, mainly girls and hey, maybe a few gay guys, who wanted to watch that new Twilight movie. Its a movie based on a book series of the same name.

Twilight. I don't read it but I know enough about it to say that it sucks. It say it sucks not because I'm a hater but simply because I'm not in its target demographic. Its just not for me. Let's just say that its marketed to screaming fangirls who like boys, read candy magazines and have slumber parties or whatever. The interesting thing is that for all the flak men get for being supposedly shallow, egotistical sex freaks it seems women like ogling male torsos and reading dangerous books like Twilight.

Dangerous? It is. I read the summaries (I don't want to touch the book) and all I can say is that it teaches young teens questionable lessons. Just google it yourself because I can't be bothered with such a long list. Also the plot is so lovey and syrupy that I get diabetic thinking about it.

But one thing that really pisses me off is that Twilight killed vampires. Its over. Vampires aren't scary anymore. There was hope in the Underworld saga but no. DEAD. They just play baseball and sparkle now. Seriously.

Man, I felt bad for those poor guys in the cinema, looking at their somber faces as they were being dragged by their girlfriends to see the chick flick. Poor bastards...