The Story of Starcrap 2 Part 4: Stupid Goddamned Ending

Where were we? Oh yeah...

So all the pieces of the artifact have finally come together and it's time to execute Arthas' master plan which is to invade Char, the freaking home world of the Zerg, head-on. All this despite not knowing apparently how to work the device (until the last minute) or what it actually does except the vague assurance that it will "cure" Kerrigan. So Arthas takes half of Papa Mengsk's fleet, without Mengsk's knowledge it seems, to invade the deadliest, most inhospitable planet in the sector full of deadly beasts with no hope of escape but they got a cool black General guy so it's OK. Also the General doesn't seem to mind working with branded terrorists. Whatever.

Why Arthas is doing this is revealed in the next scene. Arthas just wants to do what his father couldn't and prove he'd make a better emperor. Wait, that's it? It's just an ego thing?



So the Dominion fleet takes heavy losses as you might expect but Raynor is so goddamned perfect, him and his crew do pretty well for themselves. General Warfield (the black guy) gets shot down in a callback to the mission where you have to save General Edmund Duke in the first game. General WARFIELD? Oh come on, give me a break! Why don't you just name him Captain Killmore, Lieutenant Hargrave or General Grievous for crying out loud. The General gets pinned down by a hydralisk and gets needled in the arm but Warfield is just so baddass, he punches the hydralisk in the face in defiance. Raynor comes in and saves the General's ass thus earning instant respect. Geez, Raynor is just too perfect. I mean he's so cool and calm. He could be drunk though, I'm not sure.

Anyway, you do a couple of missions until Warfield returns after arm surgery (he replaced it with a CANNON) and gives Raynor the relic without an instruction manual. They prepare to assault Kerrigan who just mocks them in an almost cartoony villainy way. I'm surprised actually that Kerrigan seemed too cocky like some sort of amateur. She's supposed to be a magnificent bitch chessmaster who always had a plan in the first game. Instead she just periodically attacks you from time to time during the final mission and maybe take out a tank. No biggie. Also, Raynor gives a fucking speech.

Good lord, just look at that scene. There's epic music and chanting and everything. Raynor gives a rousing speech to Dominion soldiers (and maybe to his men too) who might not really give two shits about the mission or who Raynor is. Raynor picks up Koiter's dog tag. For those of you who don't know, Koiter was a Blizzard artist who died tragically at the age of nineteen. I don't like the idea of using Koiter's name for added dramatic effect but I don't think Blizzard is evil. It's just a tribute, that's all. Jesus Christ what a hammy speech. It even fucking rains on a volcanic planet. It could be acid rain but hey, anything for more dramatic effect huh?

So the relic finally works and it emits a periodic pulse of energy that incinerate the Zerg instantly. Gee, if they had this device working like this AS THEY WERE INVADING, the situation would have been a lot less dire but then again, Raynor would not have had to give that speech. So Kerrigan is beaten back and guess what happens next.



Raynor enters a cave and sees Kerrigan cured and alive. Tychus tries to kill her. It turns out Tychus was working for Mengsk. Raynor chose Kerrigan over him and so he shoots Tychus in the face. Why was Tychus face plate open? Who cares. Kerrigan whispers, "Jim?" being all vulnerable and moe and shit. "I gotcha." says Raynor as he carries the naked Kerrigan outside where the atmosphere can burn a man alive. Oops.

This ending is so wrong. This is the point where the story is irreparably damaged. I'll talk more about Kerrigan next time. I really can't stomach typing anymore when I saw the ending again. Watching the ending makes me physically sick.

Barf.