Learning Tagalog

I don't know Tagalog. I Never used it so I never learned it but I need to learn it in order to pass my shitty Filipino subject. As I wrote in the previous article about the awesomeness of Sponghabob Quadradopantalon, I'm trying to learn the language by a popularly suggested method which is watching Tagalog shows.

First of, I tried to watch Filipino movies. The only thing I learned however was that the movie industry in the Philippines is a lot like our political system, It's the same damn faces all over again. Seriously, is seems every Filipino movie stars Erap or Fernando Poe Jr. Even the modern films suffer from this in that the movies are just tired retreads with the same popular actors. Just how many fucking "Shake Rattle & Roll" have been made? (It's 10 I CHECKED) Maybe I'm being too harsh but there has to be more untapped talent out there than seeing the same people over again. Filipino movies only provide minimal educational value. The most you will learn is how to yell "You're finished." or "You killed my wife." in Tagalog, that cars flip over easily and explode, and that every Filipino movie has a minimum of one midget and/or gay guy.

Next I tried watching TV soap operas. Most are not even Filipino made, it's just Korean and Spanish (or Mexican? I'm not sure) surplus dubbed over. Some of it does not translate very well I tell you. The stories themselves are just syrupy love-love mush that makes watching it physically painful. The Korean series are typically targeted to women with all their pretty boys and true love cliches. The Spanish ones I can deal with since the women have nice boobs. By the way, locally made TV shows can be unintentionally hilarious, lulzy and awesome. A Filipino Zorro? Why the hell not!? Filipinos who can turn into wolves? "Throw it in there son!" The learning value? Pretty good and practical since it's more on conversation although the stories themselves sometimes make me vomit.

Lastly, there's basic programs like news shows, talk shows and so forth. Poor Educational value. VERY POOR. I swear, whenever some celebrity is interviewed, he/she speaks in Taglish. Taglish is the bastard child of Tagalog and English and is something that does not help anyone. He/she talks Tagalog for five seconds then spouts off some English phrase you would typically hear in a cheesy Hollywood movie. Halimbawa, "Sinabi sa aking Boyfriend nga "It's not you, it's me." Kase, I feel your pain. Sobra na ang Emotional damage." You know, I think deep down, every Filipino just wishes we would declare English our official language and be done with it. Poor educational value. Poor.

In conclusion, I learned that forcing yourself to watch Tagalog and Tagalog dubbed television series is the best way to learn. If I feel myself turning gay from the adolescent pretty boy Korean romances, the Spanish show with the curvy lady should fix things.