Everything In Life Is At The Mall

Whenever I need something or anything at all, It seems I wind up going to the mall.

I don't like going to the mall especially when it gets crowded. I hate crowds but there's always a crowd in the mall. Yes, the mall. Malls are everywhere. Every major city in the country gotta have a mall. You aren't a city yet if you don't have at least one mall. Forget department stores, what you need is a real mall. Malls with fountains, arcades, food courts, electronics, hardware, dildo stores and so on. Your mall has to have everything to meet the needs of the average moron consumer.

You see, if I need to have my picture taken, they have all the photo shops in the mall. If I need to watch a movie, I go to the mall. I can't avoid going to the mall at least once a week. That's how those corporate assholes get you. They make it so that if you need a good or any kind of service, you must first make a pilgrimage to the mall, the magnificent temple to capitalism in our consumer culture. You must then make the valid offerings of gold (or plastic) and submit yourself to the ritualistic torture of riding escalators and waiting in line. It seems the mall is the center of the universe. People even go to church...in the mall! Why, today, I saw mass being held there. Mass, as I was taught, was a sacred ceremony where Christians worship as one people, as one community to God. Was. I don't see how mass is so sacred when next to the altar is a McDonald's logo in plain sight. Maybe it's not Jesus we're worshiping here but the Hamburglar. Malls also have little plazas where people can just relax and smoke cigarettes trying to look cool. Malls have become recreation centers in place of public parks. Even senior citizens take their goddamn morning walks in the mall.

It is intriguing to me. It's a perfect business model. People tend to bring friends and family when they go out or make laag-laag. In the mall, there is something for everyone especially families. Baby Tommy is lovingly dumped in the daycare center, Junior goes to the Arcade to waste money, Big Sister Kikay goes to the hairdresser or whatever, Mommy goes shopping for clothes too small for her while Daddy waits outside the store for Mommy while contemplating suicide. It's all good and money is to be made. Let the entire family hear mass in the mall, maybe grab lunch afterward and put another thousand pesos in Ayala's fat wallet. Kaching!

Gentlemen, I like capitalism and I'm amused with this love affair people have with malls. There are malls for the trendy rich airheads and malls for cheap "price conscious" working class assholes. Forget the poor losers and their miscellaneous sari-sari stores. The mall is where the heart is. Go now. BUY. CONSUME.