Oink! Oink!

So the scandal this month is the pork barrel scam. What happened? I thought corruption was gone! Listening to our President, I thought we had turned a new leaf and the sick man of Asia was on the straight and narrow path to rehab!

Oink! Oink!

But it seems there's no curing (no pun intended) the sick man's addiction...to pork. I don't blame our senators. After all, we are really a pork loving people. Look at all the lechon and chicharon we consume despite the health warnings. It seems Filipinos (or is it "Pilipinos" now?) can't stop bad habits like eating too much pork or electing thieves into office. Unfortunately, unlike a typical roast pig served at a town fiesta, the only ones getting fed nowadays are not the townspeople but the vultures and crocodiles in Congress.

As much as I'd like to explain a little bit about the origins of the Philippine Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) or"the pork barrel", let's skip that for now. Just think of it as the President's "stash". This stash is allocated in the budget and is worth about 25 billion pesos this year; 200 million for each senatong and 70 million for each representathief.

How it works is that the lawbreaker lawmaker would send a request to Committee,  then through the Senate President or Speaker (presumably collecting grease on the way while they're at it) and then finally to the Department of Budget and Mismanagement or the DBM.  The DBM then releases the sweet, sweet, golden-crispy pork to the implementing agency identified by the lawmaker which is usually a Non Government Organization.

Even those with no cynical bone in their body can see the potential problems with this. The DBM doesn't bother to follow up if the NGOs are on the level apparently. There's very little guidelines as to what kind of "projects" the lawmakers are allowed to fund except that it has to be in their district. Basically, the entire thing hinges on the honesty and good faith of our lawmakers. That's kind of like asking the fox to guard the henhouse.

I call it the President's stash because this "pork barrel" has been the method by which the executive, via the DBM, exerts control over legislators. Think of it this way; the President is the sugar daddy and the lawmakers are the hoes, get it? Lawmakers who fall in the Presidents disfavor, refuse to toe the line or refuse to repeat the mantra that our President is the best ever, can find their funds "unreleased". It's a well known fact that the Arroyos, the President's enemies, don't receive a centavo of the pork barrel. Who knows? Maybe their requests got lost in the shuffle, maybe the department is too busy or maybe their papers got "misplaced". You know how bureaucracies are... bureaucracies with a lot of discretion and next to no oversight.

Which brings us now, to the present scandal. The circus is in town! Step right in and don't worry, you already bought a ticket!

Once upon a time there was a guy named Benhur who worked as an assistant of Janet Napoles, who appears to be the worst boss ever because she allegedly kidnapped and illegally detained him. He filed a case in the Department of Justice against her but it was dismissed. Frustrated, he decided to get even by going to the NBI and spilling the beans on Janet. You see, Janet  as it turns out, is at the center - the very black heart of the Pork Barrel Scam. She allegedly orchestrated the scam by providing fake NGOs for lawmakers to endorse, then she would take the cash for herself after giving the lawmakers their share of the booty.

I'm disappointed that it sounds a tad simplistic but think about this for a minute. This whole thing blew wide open because some guy was pissed and not because of some police investigation or government oversight. It may as well have been an accident.

As expected, the scandal was big news and inspired overly dramatic posts on Facebook and inane "tweets" from the twits on Twitter. An arrest warrant was issued for Napoles on the illegal detention charge but she had miraculously vanished into thin air. It was as if she knew ahead of time the warrant would be issued. It was as if someone on the inside tipped her off. It was as if our government was corrupt at every single level and we know that simply can't be true because our President said so.

So the hunt is on for Napoles, who could be hiding in any of the many large houses she owns; including the upper and lower houses of Congress. Always hide in the last place they expect! Hey, maybe they should ask Lacson for advice on where she may be hiding. He's the expert on hiding like a coward. 

Speaking of cowardice, the noticeable lack of interest and effort by the lawmakers in pursuing this case is palpable. Weren't these the same jokers who ranted and raved and impeached a Chief Justice for not revealing certain things in his statement of assets and liabilities? The hypocrisy is so much that I actually feel physically ill just thinking about it. These same jokers who put on their little robes to play Justice make the former Chief Justice's "crime" look like small potatoes.

Our Honorable Senators

And what of our President? Why, nothing AS USUAL. He seems content to pontificate and ramble as he usually does. No need to even promise he'll do anything about it because we know he won't. His tough talk of fighting corruption rings hollow now, but it always had to people like me who don't drink the yellow Kool-Aid. Today on the radio, he and his lackeys told the press that they just simply needed to "make the system better". Right... like in the same way that the gas chambers in Auschwitz weren't wrong you see, they just needed to "make the system better". Get rid of it. The pork barrel is like shit to flies. Get rid of it you morons. And AS USUAL, the President went to the old stand-by and blamed his predecessor because it all allegedly started then. No, Mister President, your mother's administration came up with the pork barrel. Go whine on her grave.

Even the church is in on it. Nobody is clean in this disaster. Janet loaned out her house in Makati for the favored priests who would attend to her, pray for her and even give her private prayer sessions with the statue of the Black Nazarene. Yes, the very same Black Nazarene that MILLIONS crawl all over each other just to touch and she gets a private session. Even Manny Pacquiao with his billions has to get in line in Quiapo. Not even the Virgin Mary herself has that privilege. What, you gonna try to  bribe God too?

Lining Up is for Losers

Right now Manila is in its third day of flooding. Oh, if only we had the money to build a drainage system! Oh, if only we had say, ten billion pesos that wasn't squirreled away by corrupt legislators, we could have built public works to avert this catastrophe! Oh, we are the gates of hell! Oh, scratch that, we're the River Styx!

And this little piggy went "wee! wee! wee!" all the way to her twenty-eight mansions.