I got to see Wrestlemania last Monday. Here's a run down on what happened. What is the worst Wrestlemania ever? I don't know but what I do know is that it kinda sucked and I pity the silly Americans and their Pay-per-views when I can watch it for free.
U.S. Championship: Sheamus v Daniel Bryan
Hahaha! What? The U.S. Championship was turned into a dark match that ended with no winner? What? It descended to a messy lumberjack match or some kind of "Royal Rumble" thing? What? The Great Khali won? WHAT? The one match that was actually promising was turned into shit? What? How do I know? The Internet is whining about it being ruined to this day. Fuck you, WWE.
Hahaha! What? The U.S. Championship was turned into a dark match that ended with no winner? What? It descended to a messy lumberjack match or some kind of "Royal Rumble" thing? What? The Great Khali won? WHAT? The one match that was actually promising was turned into shit? What? How do I know? The Internet is whining about it being ruined to this day. Fuck you, WWE.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge v Alberto Del Rio Unfortunately I didn't catch this match so I can't comment if it was any good but what I do know is that Edge retained. It's peculiar that they first televised match would be the WWE Championship match. It's usually towards the big events later.
Cody Rhodes v Rey Mysterio
Cody came out with his plastic face mask and crappy dark remix of his entrance theme. You know, the plot of the feud is that Cody's face was damaged by Rey and now Cody thinks he's an ugly freak. I can't understand why they'd let Cody wear a plastic face mask that's transparent so that we can see that there's absolutely no damage whatsoever. Also, wouldn't his mask be a foreign object and thus, be illegal? Rey comes out in Captain America themed gear. What is it with Rey dressing up as comic book characters? He had a Joker theme once which I thought was pretty cool in a weird way. Rey appears to be wearing a leg brace so I guess it evens out Cody's mask so its fair? Also, despite wearing a leg brace, Rey shows no signs that his leg is in any bad shape. He's running around doing flips and shit. Ugh. Whatever. OK match. Cody managed to use Rey's leg brace to hit Rey while the Referee was distracted by something shiny all the way over the other side of the ring . Cody hits his finisher for the win.
Cody came out with his plastic face mask and crappy dark remix of his entrance theme. You know, the plot of the feud is that Cody's face was damaged by Rey and now Cody thinks he's an ugly freak. I can't understand why they'd let Cody wear a plastic face mask that's transparent so that we can see that there's absolutely no damage whatsoever. Also, wouldn't his mask be a foreign object and thus, be illegal? Rey comes out in Captain America themed gear. What is it with Rey dressing up as comic book characters? He had a Joker theme once which I thought was pretty cool in a weird way. Rey appears to be wearing a leg brace so I guess it evens out Cody's mask so its fair? Also, despite wearing a leg brace, Rey shows no signs that his leg is in any bad shape. He's running around doing flips and shit. Ugh. Whatever. OK match. Cody managed to use Rey's leg brace to hit Rey while the Referee was distracted by something shiny all the way over the other side of the ring . Cody hits his finisher for the win.
(Backstage Crap with Snoop Dogg I Don't Care About)
The Corre v Face Team
What a terrible match. So The Corre show up with their shitty t-shirts and then the good guys show up. The match begins and almost immediately, hijinks happen with people falling out of the ring and whatever. Long story short, the good guys win in what appeared to be a two-minute match. Hell, their entrances seemed longer. Half of The Corre, namely Wade and Ezekiel, were totally inconsequential and did nothing at all. The other half, who are also the freaking Tag-Team Champions in case you forgot, didn't even get five seconds of offense in. It was a goddamn burial. Jesus, The Corre doesn't deserve this and I don't think a squash match belongs in a big even like Wrestlemania.
What a terrible match. So The Corre show up with their shitty t-shirts and then the good guys show up. The match begins and almost immediately, hijinks happen with people falling out of the ring and whatever. Long story short, the good guys win in what appeared to be a two-minute match. Hell, their entrances seemed longer. Half of The Corre, namely Wade and Ezekiel, were totally inconsequential and did nothing at all. The other half, who are also the freaking Tag-Team Champions in case you forgot, didn't even get five seconds of offense in. It was a goddamn burial. Jesus, The Corre doesn't deserve this and I don't think a squash match belongs in a big even like Wrestlemania.
CM Punk v Randy Orton
Great match with a shitty ending. Punk and Randy go at it for a while. At first it's a back and forth match but Punk gets the upper hand. Punk targets Randy's "injured" leg and pounds on it mercilessly. He stomps it and puts holds on it while Randy sells the pain convincingly. At one point, Randy attempts to do a running "patented punt" (Fuck you too, Michael Cole) but his leg gives way and he falls over. What a dumbass. Punk even manages to do a standing Figure-Four Leg lock on the turnbuckles which was awesome. Yet despite all the impressive offense and Randy's theatrics of pain, Randy inexplicably jumps up and pulls an RKO finishing move out of nowhere on a suddenly reckless Punk, who was cold and methodical before, and throws all the psychology of the match out the window. Why even target the damn leg all throughout the match when in the end, it didn't even matter? Gah.
Great match with a shitty ending. Punk and Randy go at it for a while. At first it's a back and forth match but Punk gets the upper hand. Punk targets Randy's "injured" leg and pounds on it mercilessly. He stomps it and puts holds on it while Randy sells the pain convincingly. At one point, Randy attempts to do a running "patented punt" (Fuck you too, Michael Cole) but his leg gives way and he falls over. What a dumbass. Punk even manages to do a standing Figure-Four Leg lock on the turnbuckles which was awesome. Yet despite all the impressive offense and Randy's theatrics of pain, Randy inexplicably jumps up and pulls an RKO finishing move out of nowhere on a suddenly reckless Punk, who was cold and methodical before, and throws all the psychology of the match out the window. Why even target the damn leg all throughout the match when in the end, it didn't even matter? Gah.
Michael Cole v Jerry Lawler
Shit. Just take my word for it.
Shit. Just take my word for it.
The Undertaker v Triple H
Best match of the whole damn show but is it enough to save Wrestlemania? You watch it and decide because I won't spoil it. What impressed me is that The Undertaker, despite his height, weight and age, still managed to clear the ropes for a Suicide Dive like it was nothing. I actually believed, for a second, that Triple H just might beat The Undertaker but alas, The Undertaker finally beat Triple H in Wrestlemania, despite having fought him already before a few years back but WWE hopes you won't remember that. By the way, Triple H's entrance was the coolest ever.
Best match of the whole damn show but is it enough to save Wrestlemania? You watch it and decide because I won't spoil it. What impressed me is that The Undertaker, despite his height, weight and age, still managed to clear the ropes for a Suicide Dive like it was nothing. I actually believed, for a second, that Triple H just might beat The Undertaker but alas, The Undertaker finally beat Triple H in Wrestlemania, despite having fought him already before a few years back but WWE hopes you won't remember that. By the way, Triple H's entrance was the coolest ever.
Snooki, John Morrison and Trish Stratus v LayCool and Dolph Ziggler
I guess I haven't seen this match too because I went downstairs to grab a quick snack and when I came back, it was over. Snooki was booed but she managed to pull a double back flip something which surprised me. The winner? Face team.
I guess I haven't seen this match too because I went downstairs to grab a quick snack and when I came back, it was over. Snooki was booed but she managed to pull a double back flip something which surprised me. The winner? Face team.
WWE Championship: The Miz v John Cena
The match begins with an impressive video package for The Miz. The video's message was pretty much "I'm the Champion and if you don't like it, go sleep on the train tracks." Cena's entrance had a freaking black gospel choir with a prayer session or something making it impossible to boo at least, until Cena finally comes out and then the boos start. The match was OK I guess. The Miz can wrestle but he just didn't bring style in my opinion. Cena sucked. The match ended in a double DQ but The Rock appears and restarts the match. He also hits Cena with a Rock Bottom. The Miz pins for the win. Cena lost. Cena lost and I smiled.
The match begins with an impressive video package for The Miz. The video's message was pretty much "I'm the Champion and if you don't like it, go sleep on the train tracks." Cena's entrance had a freaking black gospel choir with a prayer session or something making it impossible to boo at least, until Cena finally comes out and then the boos start. The match was OK I guess. The Miz can wrestle but he just didn't bring style in my opinion. Cena sucked. The match ended in a double DQ but The Rock appears and restarts the match. He also hits Cena with a Rock Bottom. The Miz pins for the win. Cena lost. Cena lost and I smiled.
Wasn't that great.
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