Vampire Knight

I decided to relax a little and spend some free time to write that review on Vampire Knight so I decided to watch it. I wish I hadn't because watching this stupid anime almost made me forget every single thing I've learned. I swear, it scrambled my brain so bad, I woke up in the kitchen the next morning. I don't know why.

So let's get to it.

Vampire Knight is an anime about vampires. Yup. This is a shoujo anime and for those of you who are fortunate not to know what that means, its an anime catered to girls. Young women to be exact. Shoujo anime tends to be stupid so I thought I would get some perverse giggles and shits but all I got was a damned headache.

The story takes place in Cross Academy but its no ordinary school. There's a Day Class and a Night Class. The Day Class seem to consist of nothing but fangirls. The Night Class however are all incredibly attractive vampires complete with sparkles and shit. The Day Class (ALL of them) have the hots for the night class. There are just two prefects apparently that protect the Day Class from the Night Class and they're our main characters of the story.

If I may digress for a moment, I'd like to point out how stupid this is. I mean, its established and constantly mentioned that vampires are a threat to the ordinary muggles so then, why even have a Day Class? What's the point of having both humans and vampires hanging around the same academy? Why not just have an academy exclusively for vampires and have the humans study elsewhere? My friend told me that he read the manga and that it explains later on that the humans are trained to fight vampires. Its never mentioned in the show and I don't give a shit about the manga. Although I forgive him for reading the manga, that explanation only makes it worse. If the humans are being trained to fight vampires then don't you think they would be taught what a vampire is and how to spot them? Wouldn't they probably instantly suspect the "Night Class" then and maybe fight them? Does the school want conflict or something? Well, as I'll explain later, conflict drives this anime...pointless and ultimately boring conflict but hey, a theme is a theme.

Yuki is the main character and self-insert sue for the female audience. In a flashback, she's attacked by a vampire, one of the mean, beast-looking ones and not the sexy sparkle ones. She's saved by a young vampire named Kaname who is also a major character in the story being a "pure blood" vampire and leader of the Night Class. Oh yeah, and there's some shmuck named Zero who angsts a lot. Here's a picture of him smiling.

Zero is not only appropriately named but he comes from a clan of vampire hunters who were killed by vampires. I guess they weren't very good at vampire hunting. As expected, he hates vampires and thus hates his job which involves being near vampires, which he hates. He hates vampires. He hates Kaname because Kaname is a vampire who is also an important figure in the Night Class which is composed of vampires and he hates them. While he's not hating, Zero is angsting because Zero is a vampire himself. He angsts about being a vampire because being a vampire sucks(lol) for him because he is a vampire hunter. Irony, get it? GET IT? Angst. Angst. Angst. At one point he contemplates shooting himself with his anti-vampire gun because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS. Also, he's hungry for Yuki's blood and only hers apparently.

Maybe I should get to the story. Well, there isn't any. I know eventually there's some big deal about Zero's evil twin and the vampire countess that bit him coming out of nowhere or something. That doesn't really matter. The main plot is sidetracked by this huge love triangle between Yuki, Zero and Kaname. Its this conflict and drama that take up much of the time. You see, Zero eventually bites Yuki because of DA HUNGR and Yuki willingly consents to it because she...cares for him? I guess she does. Biting is referred to almost like sex by the way, so yeah. Kaname is upset at what Zero did so I guess Kaname feels strongly towards Yuki? Maybe. I mean, Kaname talks shit to Zero but he doesn't do anything. He claims he wont kill Zero because it might upset Yuki so he allows Zero to bite her on a regular basis? I guess he's OK with that. What pansies, both of them. Yuki has feelings for both guys but don't hold your breath on her making some kind of declaration. Also, there's tension between Kaname and Zero too but you need to have a twisted mind to see it.

This is Vampire Knight in a nutshell. It's a sappy anime made for girls featuring vampires and a love triangle that goes on and on and on. The love triangle seems pointless. Nothing really happens when you think about it. There's no actual sex or anything. The episodes just keep going on milking the drama for all its worth. The sexual tension gets really high and I can see how women would find this appealing. It's just like Twilight. Nobody ever talks about the fucking PLOT in Twilight (If there even is one) but instead talk about Team Eddie Gordo or Team Jake "the Snake" Roberts. The thrill is in the drama and tension. I can't say the build up made sense in Vampire Knight though. It seems near the end the anime grudgingly decides to pursue the "serious" story about Zero confronting the countess and his twin. Honestly I can't even remember how it went. All I know is that when Zero confronts his twin, the anime throws in some incestuous subtexts in there just because and as an apology for the fangirls.

So in conclusion, this anime is all about the love triangle. The story is full of sexual tension that may be well made but ultimately doesn't go THAT far. Unfortunately, nobody rapes anyone. It is made perfectly for the female "Twilight" audience. Why did I even watch this?

My head is caving in.

It Begins

Somebody help me.

Depeche Mode - Suffer Well

Looking For Shitty Anime

I've downloaded and watched some shitty movies recently. Some were pretty OK like Endhiran, while others like Revenge of the Ninja sucked so bad, it was funny. Some were so terrible, I couldn't bear to finish it let alone write about it like Endgame. If you're curious, Endgame was a movie starring Olympic gold medalist and pro wrestling star Kurt Angle as a serial murderer/rapist. Yeah...

So now, for a change of pace, I'm gonna look at some shitty anime. The last shitty anime I wrote about was Speed Grapher, if I recall. Right now I have two choices; The first being a general overview of my old favorite, Samurai X, and how it was awesome but got increasingly shitty especially in the third arc. My second option is Vampire Knight, an anime about vampires and love so I know it's gonna suck and literally. Its marketed towards girls so its perfect pain for a young man such as myself. If anyone who reads this blog and knows me, please help me pick my poison.

Go dig up my Speed Grapher column if you haven't.

Ramblings 1

To put it simply, its complicated. Say for example, you're President of some third world country and you decide to buy yourself a Porsche. Is it tasteless? Maybe. Is it wrong? Of course not. Nothing pisses me more than young people being interviewed by "speak your mind" programs telling me how buying a Porsche is wrong. In a poor country, it would be better to give to charity. Fuck you. You know, what a man does with his own money is nobody's business. Too many people running around telling everyone how they should live and spend their money. I've had enough of that shit.

I don't drink beer. It's not that I'm religious, its just that I can't stand that bitter crap. What else? What else? What else? Law School is a bitch. Maybe I should drink but not beer damn it. Rum? I like rum cake so... Maybe when my friends have a drinking session, I'll just bring a slab of rum cake. I probably won't share it.

Criminal Law is boring and difficult. My mind is ready to pop like a can of Pringles. I love Pringles. Mesquite barbecue was the best thing EVER. Now, Pringles is all healthy with berry flavors or seaweed flavors etc. Stupid. Now Pringles is telling me to eat healthier. Shut up and give me sour cream and onion. Nobody eats potato chips flavored blueberry Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ...catholicism...Hellsing! Shit, I love that anime. I wonder if a new OVA is out. It's always funny how Catholicism is portrayed in anime. To the Japs, Catholicism is exotic and sexy or something. However, when they start using the imagery and doctrines it gets a little jarring especially since I studied catholic doctrine and actually see how their ruining everything and getting it wrong. I hear Japan is a nation of perverts but that's not fair. Anyway, it is my firm belief that after seeing the demographic trends in Japan, the country will be run by robots in 2080. You read it here first.

What of my country? I expect collapse to occur in 2067 but maybe Jesus will come back. We're too religious for our own good. We believe too much in symbols of purity and justice. We trust people we think are pure at heart like a priest or some Aquino. Everything wrong in the country is also attributed to evil symbols like Arroyo or some kind of abstract like "corruption". We love to canonize and to demonize. We love to build up as much as we love to tear down. We love to create symbols to exalt and to blame. We create a world of angels and demons. It's a fantasy world. We heap our failings on our scapegoats and in our arrogance and disbelief of the greatness of the Filipino people, we ignore the best of us and their accomplishments. Only when we believe in ourselves, accept both the bad and the good, cast away false idols and stop fearing imaginary beasts can we move forward.

I wonder what's for dinner.

Robot (Part 2)

When we last left Chitti, he was just kissed on the cheek by Sana. This triggers interesting feelings for him and triggers another outrageous music video! Let's dance!

Tensions rise between Chitti and Doc. Chitti's feelings for Sana becomes obvious and Sana even tells him that love between woman and machine just ain't natural. It's not meant to be. Chitti is distraught. Dr. Bohra tries to take advantage of this by telling Chitti that Doc doesn't care and that Chitti should hand over his neural programming schema to him. Chitti, however, decides to be a bro and refuse. Chitti remains loyal to Doc anyway despite everything.

The next day, Chitti appears before the Indian military for an evaluation. But wait, I thought Chitti failed the initial evaluation with the Institute? Ah. whatever. Instead of demonstrating his combat prowess, Chitti deliberately fails the exam by reciting poetry about how beautiful Sana is and how war is bad. The Doc is humiliated. Doc becomes angry and hacks Chitti into pieces in his lab with an axe. He exclaims how making Chitti was a mistake. Chitti retorts that he didn't ask to be built or to have feelings. I dunno but I thought this scene was pretty powerful. Chitti looked so sympathetic and Chitti is a robot! The Doc looked like an asshole. Doc is supposed to be the good guy?

So we are treated to a scene where Dr.Bohra negotiates with a German speaking white man about the purchase of a robot army. The funny thing is, Dr.Bohra has a demonstration video showing his robots doing things like shooting civilians, planting car bombs and assassinating presidents. OK, OK, I get it. This guy wants to use technology for evil. He eventually learns of Chitti's fate and retrieves Chitti from the dump. Chitti begs to be fixed and to live and love again. Bohra obliges him but not before installing a little chip that turns you evil. Again, its obvious how evil he is. The chip is colored red and its specifically called a "destruction chip" meant to teach Chitti...to destroy. Looks like Dr.Vaseegaran is in trouble.

Oh no wait, Doc is with Sana running from a guy with a blade in a beach in some kind of comedic scene. Also, there's another music video with ABSOLUTELY NO RELATION to the plot as far as I can tell. They're on a mountain dancing with some tribals. Who knows? I guess life is good without Chitti ruining the chutney.

Chitti crashes Doc's wedding. To drive home the fact that Chitti is now evil, Chitti sports a white skunk stripe on his hair and he shoots abunch of people. After the a crazy awesome chase scene (which I can't find on youtube) Chitti takes Sana to his pleasure palace where Chitti is building his very own robot army. He killed Dr.Bohra too when he got in he way. He also threatens her with rape and has plans to create some kind of evolved "robo-sapien" baby through artificial insemination. Yeah, I don't want to think about it either.

Anyway Doc manages to sneak in the robot base and recue Sana but things get a little messy. The Indian Army confronts Chitti and his army in what is the grand climax of the film. I must say, they spared no expense in the action. Its so over the top and ridiculous that my mind still can't absorb it. I won't spoil what happens but lets just say the "Holy Shit" levels break the scale.

Anyway, doc manages to install a virus or whatever and removes the chip and deactivates the clones. Doc is in court pending capital punishment for his creation when Chitti tells the court that he is technically material evidence and not a person or a witness and can prove Doc is innocent. I don't think I've heard of such jurisprudence. Chitti proves Dr.Bohra was behind it all. Doc gets off the hook but the court orders Chitti be deactivated indefinitely. Tearfully, Doc, Sana and the government allow Chitti to deactivate himself. The film ends in a poignant note with Chitti in a museum fifty years into the future. When a child asks why he was deactivated, he replies, "I started to think."

How did I find the movie? Well, let's put it this way. It had everything and that everything was served with extra servings and dressing. The acting was overacting, the drama was over dramatic, the action scenes were so over the top etc. It's not a bad movie. I thought it was good though off putting. Sometimes there was just too much on the plate you know? The tone was weird too. It started lighthearted then got pretty deep then all screwed up and dark in the end. I dunno what else to say so I'll cop out and use a stupid quantitative scale. 7.5 out of 10.

It was fun.

Robot (Part 1)

Robot AKA "Endhiran" is a Tamil film by S. Shankar. This is an Indian film so I guess its safe to call it a Bollywood picture. Last time I checked, Tamil was a province in southern India. Anyway, its science fiction. Its a movie about a scientist named Dr. Vaseegaran who creates an incredibly human looking android. Hilarity ensues, at least, for a while. Let me break it down. Spoilers incoming needless to say.

Dr. Vaseegaran has been busy researching and building his own android apparently without any funding from any government or entity. With the help of his two comic relief assistants, he creates "Robot"...the titular robot. That's his name. Robot. Let's move on.

Eventually we learn the doctor has a girlfriend named Sana (played by the beautiful Aishwarya Rai) who he's been ignoring for a while due to his work. She whines about it. Gee, building a super advanced humanoid, the likes the world has never seen, must be hard work. Doc brings the robot home to show it to his parents. Doc asks his mom to name the robot. She names it Chitti Babu. I snicker for five minutes. She then asks Chitti to "throw on" the TV. Of course, Chitti can't understand slang and smashes the flat screen to a thousand pieces. Oh, I get it. He's a robot! He takes things literally! Ha ha! Later on, Chitti winds up slashing a corrupt cop who asked him for a "cut"! Ha ha! But seriously, that was a little screwed up.

The doctor confronts Sana and they talk about their relationship. Some sappy romance scene happens and they make up I guess. Then, all of a sudden and without any warning whatsoever, the scene inexplicably shifts to the middle of a desert oasis where the doctor is strumming a guitar. He and Sana sing and dance while the winds blow around them and the camera flies around. Oh yeah, Indian cinema baby! Her costume even changes a few times.

Doc brings Chitti to the "International Robotic Conference" and everyone is impressed except Dr. Bohra, Dr. Vaseegaran's mentor. Immediately you could tell Dr. Bohra is a villain. He looks like a complete asshole. He's envious. It turns out that Bohra had been attempting to create androids of his own but his pupil had succeeded where he had failed. He attempts to ask Chitti to reveal its secret neural programming scheme but fails. Also, Dr. Bohra's androids look like assholes too so you know this guy is trouble. His androids have mean faces with angry brows and a gunmetal black color scheme. He might as well wear a shirt with the word "villain" written on it.

Anyway, Sana wants to "borrow" Chitti for a while and Doc agrees to trust her with an extremely advanced machine for some reason. Hilarity ensues. A music video/montage of how awesome Chitti is commences. Chitti can do anything. He can cook a five star breakfast, clean up the house in a minute, take care of those jerks from the male dormitory and etc. He even helps Sana cheat on her exams using holographic imagery! She get's away with it too! Damn! There's also an over the top action scene where Chitti saves Sana from a band of thugs on a train. It's awesome.

Doc prepares Chitti for his evaluation in some kind of board for AI research. Dr. Bohra is there looking pissed. So far so good until Dr. Bohra tests Chitti. Doc tells Chitti to follow Bohra's orders so Chitti walks backwards, runs around, jumps to and fro, attempts to stab Doc - oh shit! Chitti was nearly "tricked" into stabbing Doc. Dr. Bohra smugly snorts that Chitti cannot distinguish good from bad and friend from foe so he cannot be used by the military. Doc goes home disappointed and the board walks out. Jeez, you'd think the fact Chitti even exists would be a milestone. These people are hard to impress.

On the way home there's a fire downtown. Doc orders Chitti to save people. Chitti saves a few but something unfortunate happens. He saves a girl who was naked in a bath tub without clothing her first. Now, call me crazy, but I think saving your life is more important than being caught naked in public but I dunno, it could be a cultural thing. The girl is so shocked at being naked, she runs away and gets smacked by a truck. Everyone is mad at Chitti for saving her goddamned life in such an insensitive manner. Geez. Anyway, the Doc decides that he's going to teach Chitti morals. He's gonna teach a robot morality. Wow.

Doc goes over some charts on human relationships, tells Chitti to memory scan psychology books and even installs some pheromone detecting hardware but it seems Chitti can't seem to understand. Now personally, I think that its impossible to teach a machine emotion. Emotions can't be broken down into a program. Life is much more complex than - a what the hell, Chitti gets struck by magical lightning. Problem solved.

Chitti learns to feel which is quite amazing. Chitti manages to save a baby too. Sana is so impressed by this, she kisses Chitti and you know where this is going. The villain even remarks, "The story is just beginning!"

The movie goes into intermission and that's all for now.